Mercy

Littleb and I were in the car again.  He was sitting in the back seat munching french-fries.  I was driving.

Yes, Nancy Drew, I was also munching french-fries.  I'm sort of a Francophile.  Littleb was telling me about a new game he learned called Mercy.  It is a game of strength over brains....


Littleb:  Dad could totally beat me at Mercy.

Chicken:  Are you saying I couldn't beat you?

Littleb:  Probably not.  I think I could beat you.  You're so skinny.

Chicken:  (raises eyebrows in surprise.  Sucks in stomach)  Well, that's true, you're probably right,  I am really skinny.

Littleb:  You're not THAT skinny.

Chicken:  Are you saying I'm fat.

Littleb:  (laughs)  No.  You're not fat.

Chicken:  That's right.  I'm skinny.

Littleb:  No women are fat.  That would be weird.

Chicken:  You are wise beyond  your years, Littleb

Littleb:  Dad's fat.

Chicken:  Strong, littleb.  Dad's strong and I'm skinny.

Littleb:  OK.  Did you remember to ask for barbecue sauce?

I think I could take John Stamos.  In a game of Mercy, I mean.

The Devious Marketing Strategies of the AARP

Hi World,

Did you know that John Stamos recently turned 50?  He did.  I found out from the AARP.

I also just turned 50 but the AARP didn't make a big deal. They sent me more crap in the mail.  I feel a bit overlooked but I'm working through it.

I've been receiving AARP membership solicitations for years now.  I think this is a deliberate marketing strategy. You turn 40, you get a little package in the mail with a birthday card and special membership offer. You're a little in shock, at first, but you make a lame joke  about it.  "Oh, I'm 40,  guess it's time to join the AARP and go on a bus tour. I hope I get to sit next to Betty White."

Hilarious.

By the time  you reach 45, it's not really funny anymore.  You start to get a little indignant.  You might even overreact with a bonfire in your back yard fueled by all the crap AARP sends you.  Well, some people might. Some possibly peri-menopausal people. Or chickens.

They keep sending stuff, you keep throwing it away, they just keep sending it. By the time you turn 50, you're just worn down.  You're not even surprised or offended anymore.  You are completely desensitized.to the AARP's connection to the elderly.

That's when they start reeling you in.  They've been grooming you for ten years and now it's pay day.

Because sooner or later it happens. You get curious about something, maybe retirement age, maybe a photo of John Stamos you saw on Facebook.  Whatever it is, you know AARP will have the goods, so you go on their website. Harmless, right?  You might as well write a check and kiss your youth good-bye because the Fat Lady just belted out her theme song and dedicated it to you.

Six hours later, you're still on the website.  Not only have you signed on for a lifetime membership, you've read an article about Bill Clinton being a vegan and an excerpt from Stephen King's new book. You've joined an online chat group facilitated by Dr. Phil AND Dr. Oz, entered a contest to win a date with Mick Jagger, signed up for a free yoga class, and bought a bloody RV.

Welcome to your golden years.

Happy Birthday John  Stamos. You are still crush worthy.

"Chicken?  Chicken!  Hurry up, Dear, the bus is leaving!"

"I'm coming Betty.  Don't get your panties in a twist. Did you bring the sunblock?"

Chicken out