Hurrricane Arthur blew threw Rhode Island yesterday and has since been demoted to a tropical storm. It's the economy.
I remember, back in my young adulthood, when news of an approaching hurricane brought a prickly excitement. We'd make plans to meet somewhere for tropical drinks and dance parties. We might tape a glass window, because who needs that kind of downer in the middle of a great party, plus it added to the themed decor, and we made sure there was plenty of alcohol and snacks, but otherwise, we didn't prepare much. In the north, where I come from, hurricanes tend to be a little tamer by the time they get here, with some exceptions. We all grew up preparing for nor' easters, but hurricanes didn't trouble us much.
Flash forward 30 years and hurricane patterns haven't changed, but the routine has. Do we have batteries, have the gutters been cleared, are the drains working, have the lighter outdoor items been stored, do we have bottled water and food we can eat without cooking, does S want to come over and ride out the storm with us, did you know electricity can flow through the water, it can, I'm spending all day cleaning because if tomorrow is sunny, I'll want to play, damn, we should have cut those old trees in the back, the lady next door will have a conniption if another one falls on her phone lines, hey do we have wine and beer....
I guess some things never change.
Chicken out
Showing posts with label wine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wine. Show all posts
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Box of Wine
Tonight I succumbed to a box of wine. This isn't just any box of wine, it's a gold medal winning box of wine. I didn't realize that boxing wine was an Olympic sport, but apparently it is, and my wine won. Out of all the other boxes of wine, my box of wine prevailed. I feel pretty good about that. I feel like I also prevailed. It takes a certain personality, you know, to buy a box of wine. It takes a personality that isn't afraid to stand in line on a Saturday night with a box containing the equivalent of 4 bottles of wine for roughly the cost of one really good bottle ("really good" being kind of a personal measurement, you understand). And I just want to pause here to mention that it was a really long line. I was in line for a long time with this box. The people ahead of me seemed to be having an issue with their 17 different kind of craft beer, and the line behind me just kept getting longer and longer, with all eyes glued, I imagine, on my gold medal winning box of wine. But I did not care. I've heard the siren call of wine boxes before and have resisted. I've told myself my line is drawn at screw caps. But this wine, well, it's won awards. I haven't won any awards. Who am I to turn my nose up at award-winning wine just because it's stuck inside the box. Sure, we all like to think outside the box, but I am here today to advocate, perhaps, thinking inside this particular box.
It takes up less room in my fridge. It doesn't use up cork resources. It's easier to recycle than glass. It's 4 bottles of wine, for God's sake, in one square foot space. It's award winning. In case I've forgotten to mention that.
After I bought my box of wine, I went to Whole Foods to buy some food. Is it just me or is Whole Foods getting more annoying every day? Between the vegans, the hipsters, the hippies and the yuppie throwbacks, I can't seem to get close to anything I want to buy, and I swear they are piping in subliminal messaging that causes people to stand in place, swaying side to side like sun flowers, examining each and every choice of organic, small batch, grains. I don't fit in here. I'm just this average person who wants to buy 2.5 pounds of bone-in chicken thighs and some almond milk, for God's sake. And then I want to go home and pour a nice glass of wine out of my convenient box spout and call it a day. Is that too much to ask?
It takes up less room in my fridge. It doesn't use up cork resources. It's easier to recycle than glass. It's 4 bottles of wine, for God's sake, in one square foot space. It's award winning. In case I've forgotten to mention that.
After I bought my box of wine, I went to Whole Foods to buy some food. Is it just me or is Whole Foods getting more annoying every day? Between the vegans, the hipsters, the hippies and the yuppie throwbacks, I can't seem to get close to anything I want to buy, and I swear they are piping in subliminal messaging that causes people to stand in place, swaying side to side like sun flowers, examining each and every choice of organic, small batch, grains. I don't fit in here. I'm just this average person who wants to buy 2.5 pounds of bone-in chicken thighs and some almond milk, for God's sake. And then I want to go home and pour a nice glass of wine out of my convenient box spout and call it a day. Is that too much to ask?
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| Award winning box of wine |
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
If You Give a Chicken a Glass of Wine
If you give a Chicken a glass of wine she will want a cigarette to go with it.
You will point out that smoking is not healthy for man nor fowl. She will agree with you and thank you for the reminder. She'll have another glass of wine instead.
Ten minutes later she will ask you to drive to the store for munchies. She will load up your arms with three kinds of dip, potato chips, corn chips, Doritos and cheese curls. Just in case, she'll throw in another bottle of Chardonnay. Then she will ask the clerk for some cigarettes. Chickens are impulsive, devious creatures. You know that. What were you thinking?
On the way home the song "Don't Stop Believin'" circa 1981 will come on your radio and she will yell, "This is my FAVORITE song!!". She will roll down your windows, turn up the volume and sing along even though she only knows the first line and the chorus. That second glass of wine is starting to kick in. She will stick her head out of your sky roof and yell, with no particular connection but much passion, "I love you Bruce!!!".
When she comes back inside the car her hair will look like it did in 1981.
Her hair will remind her of blue eye shadow and cute boys.
And she will want some.
At the next stop light she will notice a convertible full of cute boys. She will have her head out of the sun roof, just about to invite them back to your place, when you will pull her back down and remind her firmly that she is no longer 18. Thank God for you.
This will, however, remind her that once she was 18, and she will want to go to look at your old high school yearbook. There, among the corn chips, the dip and the second bottle of Chardonnay, she will be hit by a tsunami of nostalgia. She might weep a little. She will want to get dressed up in old prom dresses.
Once you are both dressed in old prom dresses and blue eye shadow, she will want to take a picture. While you load her selfie onto her Facebook page, she will decide that she NEEDS to hear "Stairway to Heaven", her prom song, and will search frantically through all of your old cassettes. She'll forget about "Stairway to Heaven" when she comes across "Jesse's Girl". She'll once again proclaim, "This is my FAVORITE song" while singing loudly and out of tune, with traces of orange cheese curl powder around her mouth.
Not pretty. And you've been patient. You will suggest watching your DVD of "Flashdance". Chicken will be all for it, but first, she will need to rip up one of your old sweatshirts.
And chances are, if you give her a sweatshirt and watch Flashdance, she is going to ask for another glass of wine.
Chicken out
You will point out that smoking is not healthy for man nor fowl. She will agree with you and thank you for the reminder. She'll have another glass of wine instead.
Ten minutes later she will ask you to drive to the store for munchies. She will load up your arms with three kinds of dip, potato chips, corn chips, Doritos and cheese curls. Just in case, she'll throw in another bottle of Chardonnay. Then she will ask the clerk for some cigarettes. Chickens are impulsive, devious creatures. You know that. What were you thinking?
On the way home the song "Don't Stop Believin'" circa 1981 will come on your radio and she will yell, "This is my FAVORITE song!!". She will roll down your windows, turn up the volume and sing along even though she only knows the first line and the chorus. That second glass of wine is starting to kick in. She will stick her head out of your sky roof and yell, with no particular connection but much passion, "I love you Bruce!!!".
When she comes back inside the car her hair will look like it did in 1981.
Her hair will remind her of blue eye shadow and cute boys.
And she will want some.
At the next stop light she will notice a convertible full of cute boys. She will have her head out of the sun roof, just about to invite them back to your place, when you will pull her back down and remind her firmly that she is no longer 18. Thank God for you.
This will, however, remind her that once she was 18, and she will want to go to look at your old high school yearbook. There, among the corn chips, the dip and the second bottle of Chardonnay, she will be hit by a tsunami of nostalgia. She might weep a little. She will want to get dressed up in old prom dresses.
Once you are both dressed in old prom dresses and blue eye shadow, she will want to take a picture. While you load her selfie onto her Facebook page, she will decide that she NEEDS to hear "Stairway to Heaven", her prom song, and will search frantically through all of your old cassettes. She'll forget about "Stairway to Heaven" when she comes across "Jesse's Girl". She'll once again proclaim, "This is my FAVORITE song" while singing loudly and out of tune, with traces of orange cheese curl powder around her mouth.
Not pretty. And you've been patient. You will suggest watching your DVD of "Flashdance". Chicken will be all for it, but first, she will need to rip up one of your old sweatshirts.
And chances are, if you give her a sweatshirt and watch Flashdance, she is going to ask for another glass of wine.
Chicken out
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| This is not Chicken. It might be Chicken's hair in 1981, though. |
(revised from 2011 post: If you give a Chicken a glass of chardonnay)
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Things That are Awkward
Hi World,
It is awkward when you find yourself in line at the wine store between two drunk people who know each other.
And you have to ask yourself, when you are in line at the wine store between two drunk people who know each other, "Is this really the image I want to present to the world in three hours?"
I'm willing to take that chance.
Have a good weekend, Chicksters
Chicken out
It is awkward when you find yourself in line at the wine store between two drunk people who know each other.
And you have to ask yourself, when you are in line at the wine store between two drunk people who know each other, "Is this really the image I want to present to the world in three hours?"
I'm willing to take that chance.
Have a good weekend, Chicksters
 |
Chicken out
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