You're Going to Need a Bigger Shoe...

Sometimes I like to go fishing on the internet.  You just never know what you'll find.  Today I found a human arachnid.  She ain't pretty, but she sure is flexible.  Maybe she's pretty if you like spiders.

This is freakishly amazing

Silver Tongued Devil

In my next life, I hope to return as a silver tongued devil.  It seems to me that these types usually make out okay regardless of mean circumstances and humble beginnings.   Good looks will only take you so far, and eventually they'll fail you, but a silver tongued devil is usually silver tongued all his life.  You'll  probably have noticed there aren't many dumb silver tongued devils out there. The mouth and tongue are only the front of the house-the real work is going on behind that, where all the wheels are churning out 427 persuasive words per minute.

I'll  let my lean, lightening fast tongue lead the way, helping folks less fortunate understand where they went wrong with their thinking and how I can help.

I'll start my own You Tube channel.

I'll run for public office.

I'll  rap.

I'll  give a Ted Talk.

I'll talk my toddlers into the bathtub and bed as needed, with nary a complaint or tear.

I'll convince my teens that doing housework makes them 60% more attractive.

I'll  convince my husband that meal preparation is super sexy.

Then I'll go take a nap.  It's tiring being a silver tongued devil.

What will you be in your next life?

Chicken out

BigB's Breastfed Lawn

BigB believes in yard upkeep.  He's out there daily, enthusiastically tugging weeds, watering the grass, spraying things, cropping things, and so on.  BigB  thinks there is not enough  time in the day to get his lawn as pristine as he wants it.  This may be true, but still, BigB's work shows. We have beautiful  flowers, plants, shrubs, and a thick,  luxurious expanse of green with a sharp edge.   And don't get him started....admire one petite bloom and he will escort you around the house pointing out things  you never wanted to know, like, "these blah blah blahs are growing some kind of fungus but I'm spraying them with this organic bludie blupe and I think that will  get rid of it, but these blipety blips over here are attracting little black bugs.  See them?  See the little black  bugs?....

If I were in charge of the lawn, I would be more likely to point out (from a comfortable spot in the middle of my  hammock) a beautiful sea of dandelions waving in the wind and not requiring any upkeep.  My lack of enthusiasm for lawn care is not lost on BigB.  He toils away with little expectation of admiration or support from me.  On occasion, I have referred to our yard as "BigB's Breastfed Lawn".  

Yesterday, I got my comeuppance. 

Littleb and I were walking the neighborhood when we spotted the most beautiful lawn ever.  Even I couldn't help but notice it's thick carpet-like appearance.  It looked like an enchanted lawn from a Disney movie.  A lawn under a wicked spell that seduces you into lying down and stretching out just before it swallows you whole and spits you back out as a red, red rose.  It had perfectly straight lines where it had been recently mowed.  Or vacuumed, perhaps.  Littleb immediately plopped down and made him self comfortable.  In an effort to get him moving again, lest he be turned into a rose bush, I said, "Hey, let's go home and tell Dad we found a nicer lawn than his."

You would  think I had invited him to clean out BigB's savings account and hop a plane to Switzerland.  

"You can't do that!  That would hurt his feelings!  You don't want to hurt your husband's feelings, do you?  We are not telling him about this lawn."

He's a loyal son, that boy.  I'm so proud of him.  For now, we'll keep the enchanted lawn a secret, but it's nice to know it's there.....(twists ends of waxed  mustache and emits evil laugh).

Chicken out