Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Where in the World is that Stupid Chicken????

Hi World,

Please put your books on the floor and take out a pen.  This is a pop quiz.

There is only one question.  Answer it correctly, you pass.  Answer it incorrectly, you fail.  Amuse me with your witty comment, you pass with a little extra extra for creativity.  Suck up with false compliments, I kick your ass to Baltimore.  That's a loooong way from here. 

The question is:

Why hasn't Chicken posted an amusing anecdote tonight?

I forgot to mention this is a multiple choice quiz.  Is it because...

a.)  She is engrossed in a Max and Ruby marathon

b.)  She was too busy with littleb because once he came home and spotted the can of frosting on the counter (which the stupid Chicken neglected to properly hide in the top secret chocolate safe room) he immediately intuited there was chocolate cake mix nearby and then pitched a hissy fit because he NEEDED to make chocolate cake right now and he NEEDED to do it all by himself because he is a big (f$#@+) boy now?  (I have no idea why that swear word just resulted in a link.  I don't recommend linking to it because...Stalkers.  Scary)

c.) She was too busy explaining to Teenager Who Lives in the Basement that even though she bought chocolate frosting instead of vanilla, it doesn't mean she loves littleb more and is unobservant of his preferences, it just means she likes chocolate frosting more.  And by the way, she got a call from your school today and you have a little 'splaining to do, TWLITB.

d.) She was too busy eating chocolate cupcakes

e.)  She was too busy listening to a very concise and analytical insurance program comparison, drawn out in minute detail by BigB, and trying to respond in an equally serious manner.  While eating chocolate cupcakes.

f.)  She was embroiled in top secret email correspondence with her co-workers

g.)  She was too busy re-reading her own old posts because she is, after all, a narcissistic chicken

h.) all of the above

i.) none of the above

j.) Top secret reason which I invite you to intuit and comment on.  Come on Ashley, this is your chance to use the power of "N" for good.  Well not really.  Not for good.  Just for Chicken's amusement, which might be a good thing.  Chicken certainly believes it is. 

By the way, you guys, littleb has now decided that he wants to pee standing up.  So tonight he unzips his blue star footy jammies, assumes a manly position at his potty, and aims.  And nothing happens.  I said, "hold on, littleb, stay right there."  And I run into the bathroom.  I said "ready", and he says, "ok" but he was not okay because he was watching Max and Ruby and was positioned in a direction that would have led to wet furniture, and I said, "no you have to hold your peanut like you were before", so he re-assumes the manly position, and I turn on the water.  Nothing happens.  littleb says, "maybe I just have to poop."

Okay, my work is done here.

Good luck with the quiz.  Give it some thought.  Sometimes the answer is right in front of you.  But you don't really want to give the obvious answer, right?  You want to give the extra extra answer. 

Chicken out

The Chicken Crossing the Road has a special treat tonight.  It's about love and wine.  A case of wine.  Holy wine.

28 comments:

  1. "h" and I'm sending you a Blunt card that you will get a kick out of (I hope).

    CB

    ReplyDelete
  2. "h" seems safe, and now I'm craving chocolate, frosting and other, thank you very much. I can't imagine how you manage to juggle all those big, little and teenage b's... ha.
    btw, I just discovered a new blog by Susan Orlean... called Free Range. And she writes about her CHICKENS! It's like you have a psychic connection.

    ReplyDelete
  3. oops, I meant to link that.
    http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/susanorlean/?xrail

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...

    I'm sorry I was going to answer but I was distracted by singing, "Where in the world is that stupid chicken," to the tune of "where in the world is Carmen Sandiego."

    Have you not posted because you go from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,
    Chicago to Czechoslovakia and back?

    Lorraine.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm going with all of the above. And I'm going to vicariously enjoy a cupcake.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Did you come up with a better name for the pancake yet? I still like Smiling [Flap] Jack. But, I am having a hard time coming up with a reason for the award... (Besides just plain awesomeness, that is...)

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm going with i) none of the above.

    I think you opened the drinks cabinet early and spent much of the afternoon flat on your face. On recovering you found that typing was impossible as you could see three keys to every one.

    Ah!...small snag...you've typed...erm...um...Ah! As you are waaaay to drunk to type you have dictated this post to someone else who's typed it for you (minus the 'hic' bits)

    Am I right? Am I?

    Who the hell is Carmen Sandiego?

    ReplyDelete
  9. WHAT?

    It was a series of educational games meant to teach kids like countries or something. So the villain, Carmen Sandiego, was always travelling the world. My explanation blows, but here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGufyFt6zQc
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmen_Sandiego

    I feel retarded now, though, so thanks. :)

    Carmen Sandiego! Anyone? Someone?

    Sigh.

    Lorraine.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow, y'all are on top a things today!!! Chicken is dealin' with a small disaster at her place of employment so Ol Pearl is gonna be your substitute teacher today. Sit up straight, my angels. CB and SS you are technically wrong even though Chicken did do all those things last night, and more. CB, it is a good thing you are already way South a Baltimore, suckin up like that with the funny card. Chicken says Thank You. Lucky Punk, you also are technically wrong but some right and Chicken is not sure if you are suckin' up of with that Chicken link, which was amazin' by the way, but she thanks you. Roxanne and Lorraine-thank y'all for checkin' in and you get some extra extra credit for bein' creative, but you lose one "extra" for stickin that song in Chicken's head all day. We'll be over to check your blog soon as we can. Dinners, you old Voddy Head. How are you feelin? You win Dinners, with choice "I" and you get the extra extra for usin' your brilliant mind. For all your efforts, Ol' Pearl is sendin' you her top secret recipe for Cajun' Red Ass Begone Poultice. You'll be ploppin' yourself down right as rain before you know it. Now, to answer the riddle. Chicken is a little worried that no one got it. Because the answer is I.) none of the above BECAUSE Chicken DID post an amusing anecdote last night which kind of cancels out all all those other choices. Didn't she? Talk to you soon World.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lorraine, Dinners is from the UK and he is hardly ever sober so a children's television show is way over his head, sadly, but he does make up wicked good stories, so check out his blog, The Tales That Dinners Writ and others. I knew, and I'm pretty sure SS, CB and LP, also know exactly who Carmen San Diego is. We are also all sitting here stuck with that song in our heads, so if you want to feel badly about anything, feel badly about that:-) Dinners, ironically, doesn't have to have the song stuck in his head because he has no idea who CSD is. (let's hope he goes on the website, though...that will teach him, sssshhh)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'll definitely check out his blog, despite his obvious disregard for children's television, pssh.

    From the UK? I feel like a childhood of CSD should've better prepared me for being more sensitive to people from other countries, but all I was left with was... THE SONG.

    Oh, I totally feel bad about getting that song stuck in your head. I'm awful. I'm terrible. I'm...lying.

    If it's any consolation, though, you started it! And uh, I only really know one line, so I've been singing THAT over and over again. So I suppose the consolation is that I annoy myself too?

    Hmm. Not sure.
    Lor.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think it was the MAx and Ruby Marathon and you were drinking too and then got an idea to write to the creators to find out once and for all where are their PARENTS already?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Everyone wonders about that (Where M&R's parents are)! Even people who don't have kids!! Or - at least I know I've wondered it on many occasions.

    Have you guys seen the SNL spoof of Dora? Priceless!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAKR-OXq6hU (Video is kinda messed up, but this is the only one you can hear)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lorraine-I only know one line, too, and yup, in my head. All day. But to be honest, it was there before you wrote your comment. Ever since I wrote that stupid post title.

    GND-Yes, I have wondered about Mommy and Daddy but I figured some irate parent got to them Glen Close style, and that Grandma, who is very cool, took over. But she lives in a different house. I haven't figured that out yet. Extra Extra for you!

    SS-Smilin' Jack it is. I'll think of something. Tonight, actually this whole day, has turned into a huge cluster fuck as my home state has turned into a flood zone. I'll be back when the waters recede and things settle down a bit. Unless I'm washed out to sea...

    ReplyDelete
  16. I totally get the teen in the basement. Mine don't live in a basement, but they do have some explaining to do!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Maggie May-Teens always have some explainin' to do, don't they? It's tiresome, but perhaps we should just question them ruthlessly at breakfast each day: What did you do last night while you were sleeping that I should know about. What the hell are you planning on today? Who is going to be calling me today with information regarding your Jackass Adventures, huh? Just come clean, Teen.

    ReplyDelete
  18. oi! Stop posting the answers to pop quizzes before we peeps that live in the fture have a chnace to go back to your time to read your posts and make comments. Sheesh ...friggin rude.

    Or maybe I'm just slow this week...or busy..or lazy...or tired..

    ReplyDelete
  19. See how angry I am...cant even spell straight. I could have aced this quiz.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Mrs. P. You are so angry you are making no sense:-) If you are in the future, shouldn't you have already taken this test? You know, in the past? ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  21. Darn, I missed the guessing fun!

    And I think Grandma lives in a house down the street because who the heck would ever want to live in the same house as Max and Ruby??

    ReplyDelete
  22. That is true, Ashley. That Ruby is such a goody two shoes. So annoying. Max is funny, though, and frankly much more observant than Ruby.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi it's me Scrappy. Thanks for the compliment about my barn. So, I was lurking on your Blog and so far I am thinkin, You are twisted in a good way :-)
    Condolences on the passing of your Lexus :-(
    and to be honest I am afraid to click on the right button to see what happens to the chicken.
    I WIll be back!
    Have a great evening.
    Welcome to WJ Farms

    ReplyDelete
  24. 'Hardly ever sober'?????

    'ever'??????

    I am deeply...very deeply...very very deeply offended.

    NEVER young lady. NEVER.

    Good job I loves yer...;-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. I loves yer too Dinners. Hopes you are feeling better. I thinks you jest about some things but I won't tell:-)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hey Scrappppyyyyyy doooooo. Thanks for visiting my blog and following. I have always wanted to live in a barn and I'm not just saying that to be a smartass because I'm a chicken. I really have. No worries about the chicken crossing the road. Just some good music and once in awhile some other stuff.

    ReplyDelete

Say something. You know you want to.