Monday, December 5, 2011

Dear References....In which Chicken changes careers. Again.

Dear Reference Number 1:

You've been a very good friend and former boss to me.  Perhaps you might see your way to offering one more stellar reference on my behalf?  If you wouldn't mind confirming, I'll tell you just what to say.  Thanks, as always.  Have I mentioned you were my favorite boss ever in my long history of bosses?


Dear Reference Number 2:

Don't laugh, but I'm job hunting again.  I know.  Stop laughing. Look, could you do me this one solid and stop laughing long enough to tell these people I'm responsible and committed?  Stop. Laughing.

Happy Halloween, Trick or Treat and all that,
P.S.  I will totally TP your house if you do not stop laughing.

Dear Reference Number 3:

Dude, so I saw this job and it called to me and I applied.  As luck would have it, I think I might get an offer depending on my references.  If they call at the right time of day with the proper attitude and at the right number, could you please tell them I am nice and how we've been friends since childhood and not mention all our nefarious schemes for self-employment? I don't think they would go over so well in the corporate world.  They might think I'm flaky or flippant or one of those other "F" words.  Could you do that for me?  Thanks.  You are the best.  Here's hoping.


Dear Reference Number 4

I learned so much from you.  You never got the chance to give me a reference when I left your company, but I'm hoping, since we parted on such great terms, that you wouldn't mind giving me one now.  I've had a change of heart.  I know. I said I "was leaving the industry forever", but turns out I miscalculated by 30 years or so.  It happens.  Could you please not mention any Chicken stories?  Come to think of it, many of our stories are not sharing stories.  Come to think of it, you know what, Reference number 4?  I think maybe we should skip it...


Dear Chicken:

Of course I will give you a stellar reference!  Don't I always?  Every single time?  Of which there have been many over these last 10 years?  You can count on me (as does half the civilized world or at least several states and PTO organizations). BTW, you haven't blogged lately.  What is up with that?  How am I supposed to promote you when you only deign to write something every other month?  Get busy Chicken!

Your Supporter and friend,
Reference #1

Dear Chicken,

I'd be happy to tell them all kinds of stories about you.  All.  Kinds.

You're welcome,
Reference #2

Dear Chicken,

Really?  Again?  Yegads, Woman, when are you going to PICK something already.  BTW, I found these lovely antique door knobs at an auction last week and I was thinking...wouldn't it be great if we started a mail order business for things like that?  We could call it "Found Objects".  We wouldn't sell any creepy things featuring Elvis, though.  Um.Where was I?  Oh yeah, reference, yup sure.  Good luck.  You would rock that job. We can still email though, right?   And if it doesn't work out, there is still the bookshop/day care/antique shop/cafe idea we had.

Reference #3

Dear Chicken:

They would not want to hear from me. Trust me.  But go ahead and put me down if you want.  Who are these people?  I do not know any of these people.  Trust me.


Hi World:

I'm Chicken.  I'm a compulsive job hopper.  It's been a year-and-a-half since my last job

(Welcome, Chicken).  

I've mostly worked in the hospitality business in one form or another.  Now I return to it, after a brief excursion, because I've missed it.  Once it is in you, it makes itself at home, uses up all your clean towels, eats your bacon and eggs, stretches out with a contented sigh on your couch and never leaves.  It is easier to give in than to try and give it up.  I'm going to miss those wonderful, focused and intellectual Bears.  But guess what you Gold/Platinums?  Chicken is back!  And I've brought amenities!

Thanks to all of my great references, as always, particularly cagey #4 who claims always to know nothing and to have done nothing. 

Colonel Klink would love you. 

Yours in hospitality,

Chicken Out