Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Conversations with TWLITB: Why is Jennifer Aniston So Hot?

Hi World,

How are things?  How is your family?

Me?  I'm good, thanks.

The other day, Teenager-Who-Lives-In-The-Basement and I were grocery shopping.

Naturally, we picked the longest checkout line because that is just what we do.  It is a family tradition.  A magazine caught TWLITB's eye.

"Mom", he said, "How old is Jennifer Aniston?"

"Well", I said, "As it so happens, she is the same age as me."

"What?"

"Yeah, she's my age."

"But Mom", said TWLITB, "How come she is so hot?"

"Dunno"

"She's really...like....hot....like in movies and everything...in bikinis...she's your age???"

"Yeah, she is", I agree.

"But...how?"

"I dunno, TWLITB.  Some people just are.  So you like Jennifer Aniston?"

"No,no, nothing like that, I'm just saying she's hot.  For her age...like in bikinis and stuff.  How come?"

"TWLITB, if I knew......????"

"Oh, yeah, right.  Well, she's never had kids right?"

"Yeah, or maybe she's an alien"

"Right.  I never thought of that."

"Well, that's why I'm here for you, TWLITB"

"Yeah, right.  How old is Angelina?  Is she your age, too?"

World.  Something Freudian this way comes.



Chicken out

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Garden Party

I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share old memories and play our songs again
When I got to the garden party, they all knew my name
No one recognized me, I didn't look the same

CHORUS
But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

People came from miles around, everyone was there
Yoko brought her walrus, there was magic in the air
'n' over in the corner, much to my surprise
Mr. Hughes hid in Dylan's shoes wearing his disguise

CHORUS

lott-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Played them all the old songs, thought that's why they came
No one heard the music, we didn't look the same
I said hello to "Mary Lou", she belongs to me
When I sang a song about a honky-tonk, it was time to leave

CHORUS

lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and out stepped Johnny B. Goode
Playing guitar like a-ringin' a bell and lookin' like he should
If you gotta play at garden parties, I wish you a lotta luck
But if memories were all I sang, I rather drive a truck

CHORUS

lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
lot-in-dah-dah-dah

'n' it's all right now, learned my lesson well
You see, ya can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself


Hi World,

How are you?  Not sure why this song popped into my head just now or why I felt the need to rush here and post the lyrics.  It might be because someone dropped me and I feel sad.  It might be because Suniverse asked me if I was going to Blogher so we could meet up and that made me so very happy.  Might be because I follow every impulse assuming there is a greater cause I'm serving.  Not because I am psychic, but because I am a tool (Ha).  Does one of you out there need to hear this message?  Hmmm?  Please let me know so that I don't feel like a total loser for posting the lyrics to a simplistic seventies song.  A song I totally love, by the way, so don't be dissing my song.

Hope you are all doing well and by the way, Happy New Year a couple months late.

Chicken out

PS  Ok which one of you bastards dropped me?  I'm not bitter.  Really, I'm not. Bitter.  At. All.