Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Yahtzee: Rules of Engagement...

Last year I taught littleb how to play Yahtzee.  He's since become a master Yahtzee strategist.  He has also developed some interesting rules.

1.  If you are just one die away from getting Yahtzee you may have an extra turn.

2.  When one of the dice rolls off the playing table, all the dice must be shaken again.

3.  Unless you had a pretty good roll going.  And then you can just shake the one die

4.  Unless, of course, the one that rolled on the floor lands on the number you needed.   Then it counts and  no further dice rolling is required.

5.  If you are shaking the dice and someone offers an alternative strategy, the proper response is to continue on your chosen course.  If the result is not the one you were seeking, you may take your turn over in pursuit of the suggested strategy.  This is because the speaker should have spoken up before you started shaking the dice, in which case you would most certainly have followed their advice.

5.5  If someone starts to offer an alternative strategy before you start shaking the dice, you should immediately pick up the cup and start shaking it vigorously, pretending you never heard anything.  If things don't work out, you should inquire, "Did you say something?  I couldn't hear you over the dice."  This auditory loop hole entitles you to one do over.

6.  If the new strategy also fails, you get an extra turn because the person advising you was obviously steering you in the wrong direction for his/her own benefit, which is cheating and very unattractive, not to mention disappointing.

7.  If you are shaking the dice and there is any interference at all from another player-a hand, a jostle, a sneeze-you may take another turn.  If necessary.

8.  Blowing on the dice helps you get the numbers you want and having everyone blow on your dice is extra good luck.

9.  Unless it is not, in which case you get an extra turn because it is not your fault that someone else's halitosis breath ruined your roll.

10.  The rules above only apply to one player per game who shall be the youngest player.

11.  Everyone must be a very good sport and not cheat!

Chicken out

borrowed from:
 For the record, littleb does not condone eating anyone's dog

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Time Thief

So wait a second.  You're telling me that if I swim out to the middle of the pond and then dive under the water, I'll see a rock formation.


And if I swim down to the rock formation and touch one of the stones and then swim back up to the surface, I'll be in another dimension.


You're full of shit.

What does that mean?

What do you mean, "What does that mean?"?  It means you're full of shit. You're a liar.

I'm not.  It's true.

How do you know?

Because I did it.


This morning.  Just before I met you.

So shouldn't you be somewhere else?

I am somewhere else.  I'm here.

No shit, Sherlock.  So you're saying you're not from here?

No.  You've been calling me "fucking weird" all day.  Why do you think that is?

You are fucking weird.  And you're full of shit.

I'm not.

Ok, where are you from?  Mars?

No, I'm not an alien.  I just arrived from a different time zone.  2218.

So you expect me to believe that this pond still exists two hunnert and forty somethin' years from now?  And that you went swimming and ended up here?

No.  There wasn't a pond.  Just the rocks.  When I went into the rocks, I became dizzy and fainted.  When I came to, I was in water. Then I stumbled into your camp and you told me it was 1972.

You're shittin' me.

I'm not.  If you don't believe me, try it.  

I'm not tryin' it.

Why not?  What have you got to lose?  Do you want to go back to jail?

No, I don't want to go back to jail, but I sure as shit don't want to go to 2218 either.  Not that I would because you're full of shit, but even if you weren't, I wouldn't want to go.


I'm not.

Yes you are.  You're afraid

Listen, asshole, I'm about to beat you into next week and I won't need any pond stones to do it, so shut your trap.

Come on.  Try it.  I'll go with you.

I'm not go.....did you hear that?

The barking?  Yes.  I heard it.

Shit, they're using the dogs.  Shit shit shit.

You like this word, "shit".

It's just a fucking word.  Jesus, you're so fucking weird.  Let's go.

Where are we going?