Monday, December 5, 2011

Dear References....In which Chicken changes careers. Again.

Dear Reference Number 1:

You've been a very good friend and former boss to me.  Perhaps you might see your way to offering one more stellar reference on my behalf?  If you wouldn't mind confirming, I'll tell you just what to say.  Thanks, as always.  Have I mentioned you were my favorite boss ever in my long history of bosses?

Sincerely,
Chicken

Dear Reference Number 2:

Don't laugh, but I'm job hunting again.  I know.  Stop laughing. Look, could you do me this one solid and stop laughing long enough to tell these people I'm responsible and committed?  Stop. Laughing.

Happy Halloween, Trick or Treat and all that,
Chicken
P.S.  I will totally TP your house if you do not stop laughing.

Dear Reference Number 3:

Dude, so I saw this job and it called to me and I applied.  As luck would have it, I think I might get an offer depending on my references.  If they call at the right time of day with the proper attitude and at the right number, could you please tell them I am nice and how we've been friends since childhood and not mention all our nefarious schemes for self-employment? I don't think they would go over so well in the corporate world.  They might think I'm flaky or flippant or one of those other "F" words.  Could you do that for me?  Thanks.  You are the best.  Here's hoping.

Chicken

Dear Reference Number 4

I learned so much from you.  You never got the chance to give me a reference when I left your company, but I'm hoping, since we parted on such great terms, that you wouldn't mind giving me one now.  I've had a change of heart.  I know. I said I "was leaving the industry forever", but turns out I miscalculated by 30 years or so.  It happens.  Could you please not mention any Chicken stories?  Come to think of it, many of our stories are not sharing stories.  Come to think of it, you know what, Reference number 4?  I think maybe we should skip it...

Best,
Chicken

Dear Chicken:


Of course I will give you a stellar reference!  Don't I always?  Every single time?  Of which there have been many over these last 10 years?  You can count on me (as does half the civilized world or at least several states and PTO organizations). BTW, you haven't blogged lately.  What is up with that?  How am I supposed to promote you when you only deign to write something every other month?  Get busy Chicken!


Your Supporter and friend,
Reference #1


Dear Chicken,


I'd be happy to tell them all kinds of stories about you.  All.  Kinds.


You're welcome,
Reference #2


Dear Chicken,


Really?  Again?  Yegads, Woman, when are you going to PICK something already.  BTW, I found these lovely antique door knobs at an auction last week and I was thinking...wouldn't it be great if we started a mail order business for things like that?  We could call it "Found Objects".  We wouldn't sell any creepy things featuring Elvis, though.  Um.Where was I?  Oh yeah, reference, yup sure.  Good luck.  You would rock that job. We can still email though, right?   And if it doesn't work out, there is still the bookshop/day care/antique shop/cafe idea we had.


Love,
Reference #3


Dear Chicken:


They would not want to hear from me. Trust me.  But go ahead and put me down if you want.  Who are these people?  I do not know any of these people.  Trust me.


Sincerely,
#4

Hi World:

I'm Chicken.  I'm a compulsive job hopper.  It's been a year-and-a-half since my last job

(Welcome, Chicken).  

I've mostly worked in the hospitality business in one form or another.  Now I return to it, after a brief excursion, because I've missed it.  Once it is in you, it makes itself at home, uses up all your clean towels, eats your bacon and eggs, stretches out with a contented sigh on your couch and never leaves.  It is easier to give in than to try and give it up.  I'm going to miss those wonderful, focused and intellectual Bears.  But guess what you Gold/Platinums?  Chicken is back!  And I've brought amenities!

Thanks to all of my great references, as always, particularly cagey #4 who claims always to know nothing and to have done nothing. 

Colonel Klink would love you. 

Yours in hospitality,

Chicken Out





17 comments:

  1. I will gladly be a reference for you. GLADLY.

    Also, I hate looking for jobs. So if you find a good one, bring me along, too, please. Thanks.

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  2. A change is as good as a holiday ! Or you could be totally boring like me and stay in the same sort of career for 26 years !

    I;d write you a reference but I dont think me waffling on about you being hilariously funny is going to help you with getting a job.

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  3. Yay for new jobs. I'm still waiting on HR to contact me. I want to be a Librarian dammit!
    But what is 'the hospitality business'? Is that like front desk secretary at a hotel?

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  4. My position just changed from an audit to a customer service person. There was nothing much that I can do, I did tell the HR Lady that I am not about to colour my hair. It is like this: I either have head full of gray hair or almost balled younger looking hair. She gave me a brake but I am doing customer service. If you were in Orange County New York, I would gladly give you my job as I am do for Social security ( will be 62 next March).

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  5. Hi Suniverse-Thanks for your support. I found one! Started last week. Know what is even worse than finding one? Making it through the first two weeks being the new kid. Now. What job do you want? I'm a little worried about the commute, though!

    Hi Ashes-how are things? My friend GG who comments here sometimes is a librarian. Maybe she'll give you some pointers. The hospitality business is basically hotels, resorts and restaurants. I work in hotel sales selling roomnights to groups and corporations. It is a lot of fun almost all the time. Good luck with your search.

    Shay-see? People like you are my heroes. You have staying power. If you were a guy you'd seriously have lots of girlfriends with that kind of staying power. Because, you know, girls like a good provider. Cough.

    Hi Munir: It doesn't sound like you like that idea! My husband is an auditor. I do not think he would enjoy customer service much either. You hold onto your full head of gray. Gray all the way, Baby!

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  6. I knew you'd rock that sucker.
    BTW, what do you think of selling hand-loomed organic dental floss? I know, right? Genius.
    Love,
    Reference #3, aka GG.

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  7. GG. In that book I told you about? The farmer/boyfriend had a ball of used dental floss that he wouldn't throw away because he was sure he could reuse it somehow. Now, think how much a guy like that would appreciate a good organic dental floss! OK, I'm in.

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  8. xoxo Always here for you, Chicken. Love ya! CB

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  9. Chicken; EW. Sure, a ball of used dental floss would be useful, if you're needing a BACTERIA FARM. Need some used dental floss, dear? No worries - I know I've got some here somewhere...probably behind these jars of fingernail clippings and picked scabs...hang on, I'll find it...
    GG

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  10. CB-you are always there for everyone. And still you managed to decorate for Christmas before the month reaches double digits. I'd be jealous if I didn't reap the benefit of your super organizational powers so often:-)

    He wasn't going to refloss with it-he thought he might be able to tie stuff together with it. Like maybe farm machinery?

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  11. Congrats on the new job! I don't know how your references could have resisted those funny requests for a stellar recommendation! I hope the new position allows an hour or two for blogging, for the new stories you'll need to share?

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  12. Hi Meg, yes, you are so right. This is one business where blog stories just pile up waiting to be told. In a very heavily disguised way that does not refer to one's job or hotels in general but yes, I'm sure I'll be inspired.

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  13. Hey Chicken, Did I ever tell ya I love your blog?!!! I think of job hopping as merely not settling :-) Have a great night!

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  14. Scrappy! HI! So great to hear from you and thanks-for reading and for the inspirational mind set!

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  15. Not So Simply Single: How are you? How is Hawaii? Dammit. Don't answer that. I know how it is. Much warmer than here! Hope you are doing well and will be by to visit soon.

    Maggie May? Really, is it you? How is the little one. Never mind, I'll stop by for a visit. Thanks for visiting.

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