Thursday, November 28, 2013

Dear Target:

Dear Target:

I will be shopping in your store on Black Friday from 2 PM to approximately 4 PM.  Thank you for limiting store occupancy during this period to 50 occupants or less.  While I normally prefer far fewer people sharing my shopping experience, I am aware that you have a business to run.  I am willing to compromise.  I will, however, require a dedicated register and register attendant at all times.  Also, if your people could do a quick clean-up of all the aisles before I arrive, I would be most appreciative.  This will most likely require closing an hour before my scheduled arrival, but I think you'll find that the time spent organizing will much enhance my shopping experience.   Don't forget the bathrooms!  Finally, I will require an additional 20% discount off your already low prices as your prices are not that low.  It goes without saying,  I assume, that you'll have an able-bodied, background-checked, attendant to valet my Hyundai.

Thank you for your attention to these matters.  I look forward to shopping with you this Black Friday.

Warm regards,

Chicken


18 comments:

  1. I am sure all your needs will be met by the friendly and eager employees lucky enough to work Black Friday.

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  2. What, no request for complimentary finger foods and wine/coffee? Have you sent that letter yet? There's still time to fix it!

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    Replies
    1. Jenny- knew I was forgetting something! Target? Are you listening? What Jenny said.

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  3. Hi BB! When you are passionate about your job and filled with holiday cheer, no request is too entitled. In Narnia.

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  4. You are a riot! I don't know why I didn't think to send a similar letter to the Kansas City airport to ask them to keep the rest of the holiday travelers out of my way. Plus I would respectfully request that no TSA agent feel the need to pat anything on my body. AND the 3 oz. or less liquids is just silly. Sonic cups hold 44 oz.

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    Replies
    1. Cheryl-try it next time and if they let the sonic cup slide, make sure they reserve an in-flight bathroom for you, as well!

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  5. I want this as my superpower too.

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    1. DBS-if we both aced the super power of manifestation, we wouldn't even need to go shopping. We could enjoy a nice cup of coffee and wait for it all to come to us. Note to self: Must go to Amazon and buy self-help manifestation manaul

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  6. Target has finally come to Canada, but I have yet to target them. There was a time, when I would cross the bridge to Port Huron to buy tennis balls at Target. The world was different then.

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    1. AC so where do you buy your tennis balls now if not at Target? To me, Target is the lesser of the super store evil overlords.

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  7. LOL, I sit here alone this morn as my wife and oldest headed out into the war zone at 5:30. They did not send out letters. They also drove the not so far dented minivan. I am afraid for the van.

    I did shop(and buy) from Targets website. I wore clothes however. You know, with the NSA watching our buying habits.

    Good luck little lady.

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    1. Hi SS, secret between you and me and the internet. You could not pay me enough to get me out of my pajamas today and into a store. Well, you probably could, but it would cost you a lot.

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  8. I think allowing them to have any other customers in the store when you do your shopping is extremely generous of you. But I would request the wine and a cheese tray.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Jayne. I think you are right. What say you, Target?

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  9. And I would add a complimentary mani and pedi as well...

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    1. Shelly, yes yes yes, in fact, lets us girls all just forget target and go to a spa instead. A wine/cheese/mani/pedi/finger food spa. Let's get massages, too

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    2. I've shredded my Christmas list and pencilled in a girls' day. Done.

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    3. Done! Not shopping. That probably won't get done. Unless Target has personal shoppers....do you think??

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