Dear Target:
I will be shopping in your store on Black Friday from 2 PM to approximately 4 PM. Thank you for limiting store occupancy during this period to 50 occupants or less. While I normally prefer far fewer people sharing my shopping experience, I am aware that you have a business to run. I am willing to compromise. I will, however, require a dedicated register and register attendant at all times. Also, if your people could do a quick clean-up of all the aisles before I arrive, I would be most appreciative. This will most likely require closing an hour before my scheduled arrival, but I think you'll find that the time spent organizing will much enhance my shopping experience. Don't forget the bathrooms! Finally, I will require an additional 20% discount off your already low prices as your prices are not that low. It goes without saying, I assume, that you'll have an able-bodied, background-checked, attendant to valet my Hyundai.
Thank you for your attention to these matters. I look forward to shopping with you this Black Friday.
Warm regards,
Chicken
Chicken
I am sure all your needs will be met by the friendly and eager employees lucky enough to work Black Friday.
ReplyDeleteWhat, no request for complimentary finger foods and wine/coffee? Have you sent that letter yet? There's still time to fix it!
ReplyDeleteJenny- knew I was forgetting something! Target? Are you listening? What Jenny said.
DeleteHi BB! When you are passionate about your job and filled with holiday cheer, no request is too entitled. In Narnia.
ReplyDeleteYou are a riot! I don't know why I didn't think to send a similar letter to the Kansas City airport to ask them to keep the rest of the holiday travelers out of my way. Plus I would respectfully request that no TSA agent feel the need to pat anything on my body. AND the 3 oz. or less liquids is just silly. Sonic cups hold 44 oz.
ReplyDeleteCheryl-try it next time and if they let the sonic cup slide, make sure they reserve an in-flight bathroom for you, as well!
DeleteI want this as my superpower too.
ReplyDeleteDBS-if we both aced the super power of manifestation, we wouldn't even need to go shopping. We could enjoy a nice cup of coffee and wait for it all to come to us. Note to self: Must go to Amazon and buy self-help manifestation manaul
DeleteTarget has finally come to Canada, but I have yet to target them. There was a time, when I would cross the bridge to Port Huron to buy tennis balls at Target. The world was different then.
ReplyDeleteAC so where do you buy your tennis balls now if not at Target? To me, Target is the lesser of the super store evil overlords.
DeleteLOL, I sit here alone this morn as my wife and oldest headed out into the war zone at 5:30. They did not send out letters. They also drove the not so far dented minivan. I am afraid for the van.
ReplyDeleteI did shop(and buy) from Targets website. I wore clothes however. You know, with the NSA watching our buying habits.
Good luck little lady.
Hi SS, secret between you and me and the internet. You could not pay me enough to get me out of my pajamas today and into a store. Well, you probably could, but it would cost you a lot.
DeleteI think allowing them to have any other customers in the store when you do your shopping is extremely generous of you. But I would request the wine and a cheese tray.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jayne. I think you are right. What say you, Target?
DeleteAnd I would add a complimentary mani and pedi as well...
ReplyDeleteShelly, yes yes yes, in fact, lets us girls all just forget target and go to a spa instead. A wine/cheese/mani/pedi/finger food spa. Let's get massages, too
DeleteI've shredded my Christmas list and pencilled in a girls' day. Done.
DeleteDone! Not shopping. That probably won't get done. Unless Target has personal shoppers....do you think??
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