Monday, September 8, 2014

I am your sales representative...

Dear Colleague,

I am your sales representative and as such I represent our company's brand, services and employees in the public realm.  Every day, I meet with potential customers.  I  tell them about our company.  I convince them that if they have a need for a service we provide, that we (you and I), are better equipped than our competitors to deliver that service.

When I'm successful at my job, we all win. If I am not successful, we both lose our jobs.  Wait, you might be thinking, why should I lose my job because you suck?  Well, if we don't have any customers, we don't really have an immediate need for your services, do we?  Have you worked through that equation?  "X (me) + Y (customers) = Z (our jobs).

Let's recap, shall we?  I am regularly in public making first impressions on your behalf.   We both need those impressions to be positive.  Our continued employment depends upon it.  Therefore, it would seem to behoove you to alert me to anything off putting regarding my appearance.  Green things hanging out of my nose, for instance, or a skirt stuck in the waistband of my underwear, would be examples of things I need brought to my attention.

Do not tell me, dear co-worker, that you did not see the hunk of spinach in my teeth today.   I know you saw it.  How could you not have?  We stood face-to-face discussing your awesome social media skills for at least five minutes.  "I rule at twitter and by the way you  have something in your teeth", was all you needed to say. Were you waiting for me to leave so you could tweet about it?  #gross #shouldisaysomething? Yes, you fucking should. Must we now crowd source the merest courtesy?

Your lack of common sense is not going to keep us paid and laid.  I don't care how many twits follow you.

Thank you for your future cooperation.

Your sales representative




12 comments:

  1. Common courtesy. It's like common sense. Not so common. Some day that person will be the one with spinach in his/her teeth!

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    1. And when they are, I shall do the right thing;-)

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  2. Closest thing I had to a sales rep was perhaps the medical center's CEO, who would sometimes go with one of us when we were presenting a paper at a national conference. More than once I've had to say "Um, that's not exactly true" after he'd said something inane.
    I did once give a talk in a suit and running shoes after forgetting to pack the dress ones.

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    1. If he had food in his teeth I'm not at all sure you would have told him, SFM:-) Running shoes and a suit? That's not awkward. That's geek chic.

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  3. Amen, sistah!!! I tell anyone now if there is something potentially embarrassing. I once went an entire HALF DAY at school with my flippin' dress inside out. No one told me- not kids, not colleagues... argh.

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    1. Hi Shelly, you know it begs the question....what were you doing the first half of the day? haha. I would have told you. If I noticed. I don't even notice spinach in my teeth, so. my powers of observation are obviously somewhat compromised.

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    2. Ha! I think that was when I taught a fitness class first period, and must have been in such a rush to shower, change, and get back to class that I didn't notice!

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    3. That sounds like something I would do.

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  4. Booger checks are common among my tribe. (We have an understanding.)

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    1. Hi Nessa-that's the way it should be!

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  5. Hee hee :) This is hilarious :) And yeah...it always makes me think of that moment in Emperors New Groove..."How long has THAT been there?" It's because nobody said anything!!! ;)

    Sarah Allen
    (writing blog)

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    1. Hi Sarah-thanks for visiting and the compliment. I guess we all need to check ourselves out more often since we can't rely on a sympathetic public.

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