Sunday, May 16, 2010

Have You Heard From Chicken?....

Good morning, World:

You may have noticed I have not posted much lately.  Actually, you may not have.  I may totally overestimate your dependence on me to get through your days.

Well, truth told, I have not felt much like blogging.  I'm busy.  I'm having an internet love affair with this man's blog:

Thank you, GG, for the recommendation. You guys.  If you haven't visited David the Aussie's internet playground already, I promise it is worth the visit.  In fact, I think everyone should go visit David Thorne's blog and leave the following DavidThorne styled comment: 

Dear David.  I enjoyed your blog so much I think I should compensate you for the pleasure.  Since I don't have any money here is a drawing of a _______ that I made for you.  I value this drawing at $_____.  Thanks for a great time.  (fill in the blanks). 

No?  You don't want to do that?  Okay, whatever.  Just an idea.  Don't have a heart attack.  Although I have not posted, I have managed to keep up with and comment on many other bloggers' posts.  In fact, some of my comments are mini posts, themselves, except they are on other people's blogs.  I'm claiming Intellectual Property rights to all my comments and I'm posting some of them here.

What?  Yes, as a matter of fact, Chicken IS too lazy and uninspired to come up with a new post. 

On Quilting in My Pajamas Blog regarding her slack Thursday dinner of Kentucky-Fried Chicken...

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
Mrs. P. Murderer.....Murdererrrrrrrr!!!!!!! I'm having an Australian for breakfast, how do you like that? I think I'm going to have David Thorne. I just found out about David Thorne and I love him. I'll bet he tastes delicious.
May 14, 2010 9:20 AM
 
Mrs. P says David Thorne is most likely stringy and tough just like me and also that some of that chicken may have been rabbit (which makes sense because Aussie Kentucky Fried Chicken is most likely NOT fried in Kentucky, but somewhere in Australia where it is well documented that if it is not poisonous they will kill it and fry it or puree it and spread it on toast)
 
Here is another later comment from QIMP's blog that I left in response to a photo of her grandchild and a post about the ethnic dinner she had made with a friend:

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
Little P, you are a cutie and when you are PM (Prime Minister) of Australia, I wonder if you wouldn't mind giving me dual citizenship so that I might come to stay for an extended period and possibly get eaten by a shark, bitten by a snake, terrorized by giant spiders, or even chased by a dingo. It would all be worth it to sit in the kitchen with your Bella while she cooks up something delicious that is not a potato cake because while they do sound delicious in theory (they have the word CAKE in the title) they do indeed taste like mushy potato. Also, maybe you could introduce me to David Thorne as he is my new secret crush.
May 14, 2010 8:13 PM
 
QIMP did not respond to this comment as I think she is sick of me talking about David Thorne.  I figured she knew him.  They live in the same country.
 
This comment is based on Brilliant Sulk's brilliant post about peculiar cats:

Posted May 13, 2010 at 4:33 pm
#You know, I was just discussing this with a good friend today. Well, actually, not exactly. We were talking about whether corvettes are an appropriate accessory for anyone over 45 and we decided no, corvettes (purple sparkly ones especially) are not acceptable accessory items. I’m sure this also applies to cats. So really, whether Truffle is peculiar or not would depend on how old she is, and not in cat years, but in human years. I love Truffle. I even love Kiwi. And even if they are peculiar, you are super cool.

My lovely offspring, S, recently started her own blog.  One of her posts about google searches elicited quite a lot of attention and the following exchange took place in her comment section:

Hey S, it's me. Chicken. Sadly, I'm the one who launched the leprechaun search. Probably because of some stupid question your brother asked, though. Aw, who am I kidding. We both know that is SO not true. I love the last line. I'm stealing that line.
May 11, 2010 5:26 PM


The Girl Who Loves to Whine said...
Hey Chicken, it's me S. Somehow when I saw the line about leprechauns I just knew it had to be someone from my family that launched that search. I'm betting it was another family member that launched the zombie searches too...
May 11, 2010 5:49 PM
 
May 11, 2010 10:44 PM

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
S, Chicken here. Zombies just showed up in season two of Trueblood. I would be remiss in not finding out all I can, but it could also be The Blogess, who has a zombie fixation, or Hyperboleandahalf who also has a zombie thing. BTW, you should go to my blog to see what your "Why Can't I own a Canadian" search has wrought in terms of comments. Pretty funny. Turns out EVERYONE wants a Canadian.


May 12, 2010 12:21 PM
The Girl Who Loves to Whine said...
Dear Chicken, Of course they do. Even Canadians want to own Canadians because Canadians are awesome. I wish I could get away with saying things like "Eh?" and "aboot"... Thanks for clarifying the zombie thing for me too. I was beginning to get worried.. You know, stockpiling weapons in my room and wearing gigantic titanium helmets and such.
-S

Then Jonathan had this to say:

Jonathon Moxon said...

Hi. Canadian here. Looking to be owned.
May 14, 2010 12:36 AM

S auctioned him off to the highest bidder and I think Vapid Blonde may now have Jonathan ensconced in her garden  spouting water.  Sorry CB. I did not find out about the auction until it was too late to bid.

Recently S posted again about the big nameless retail store where she works and the various "challenged but special" people who shop and work there.

May 16, 7:50 AM

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
Hey S. You should check out Miss Morgan's blog. She has a fool proof plan to get rid of stupid people everywhere, not just North America. Actually, it wasn't quite foolproof. I had to help her out a bit with that part. That's what Chickens are for, though. Here's the link. This should cut down on the number of encounters you suffer through at BNRS:


May 16, 2010 7:56 AM
The Chicken's Consigliere said...
S. Hey S. It's me, Chicken. I googled Jagaloon. I'm surprised you did not think of it. Your friend in Electronics was well and truly dissed and must not have given very good directions. "A jagaloon is slang for an idiot, a loser, someone who does something stupid all the time". Wikipedia says it is so.

And also today, coincidentally, Miss Morgan at Comedy or Tragedy, also posted about stupid people and natural selection and suggested that perhaps letting loose a few saber tooth tigers amongst the masses might be helpful:

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
Miss SC may not be overly bright, but it is entirely possible that she runs very fast and that is what is wrong with your theory. If you wish to rid the world of the stupid in addition to the unathletic (not to mention the unlucky, which I'm thinking would be just one of the categories I would fall under), you will also have to come up with some kind of natural selection IQ test. Perhaps a bucket of fish suspended over a really deep hole or something. That will most likely get rid of the stupid, nonathletic, unlucky people who like fish. The people who don't like fish. Well. I guess they are in luck. Unless they run into one of those tigers. Be careful hanging the fish.
May 16, 2010 5:13 AM

In response to Sassy Curmudgeon's post about judges and teachers...something...I don't really remember.  I think I might have gone off on my own tangent.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
I have a hard time calling my kids' teachers by their first names and yet I don't feel like I should have to call them by their last names, either. I have a very elaborate process: Get their emails, address them by last name in email and sign it with my first name. If they respond with my first name, great, if they call me by my last name I say, please, call me Chicken (cause I don't wear pants, see?). Sometimes they bite sometimes they don't, then I have to try the in person version, but usually it is because they are calling me because 'someone' was screwing around in school and then it gets awkward to call them by their first name because they might think you are being condescending, right? Sigh. It's not easy balancing this whole teacher/parent relationship thing. I like the kid in the Superman pajamas.
6:56 AM
 
My favorite blogger conversations are usually with Neurotic Girl and her stalker, Dalia.  This comment was regarding a post on Grandpa's crazy theories.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
Dalia's right. Look at eggs. They're good, they're bad, they're good...they have an identity crisis and a complete breakdown...I digress. Re: Grandpa. Sometimes those crazy theories hold water. Here's one told to me by an elderly Irish lady recently that I laughed at: I wear heels a lot at work and I get severe foot cramps sometimes at night when I go to bed. She told me to put a bar of soap between the sheets. I laughed. On what premise, I asked. I don't know she said. Just works. Know what? It did. So I'm trying that elastic trick. Also, I could swear I read somewhere that sunburn will cause hair on the back later in life.

In response to Joann's post about her husband and his many childhood homes:

The Chicken's Consigliere said...
What a great story. I would totally invite your husband and all of you in for a tour and BigB would be all like, "What the HELL are you doing", and I would be like, "B, can't you SEE that case of wine back there. Gonna get me some." I still do not know what you are talking about with the email thing cause seriously, i'm defective that way,
May 12, 2010 6:44 PM
 
In response to Vapid Blonde's post on going to the doctor entitled "Monday is a Stupid Little Whore" which may be the best post title in the history of the internet:

Chicken Says: May 12th, 2010 at 6:00 am
That is a GREAT post name. Genius, really. I know, it does not really seem fair or reasonable that when you go to a salon or spa and you are all relaxed already they offer you a glass of wine, but when you go somewhere that has you all nerved up like, say, the doctor to find out about your biopsy, or court, or your divorce lawyer, they don’t start things out right away with a bottle of wine. A glass of wine? yeah, that’s like a band-aid on a chain saw injury.

So see World? I have not been slacking off but instead have been very busy reading blogs.

Also, littleb got a new pet.  A fish.  A beta to be exact, which he promptly named Goldy.  How boring is that ?  Why can't I ever name the pets?  I would have gone with something noble and dashing such as Leopold or Spartacus, or maybe DavidThorne.  Goldy...Poor fish.  You can see his embarrassment written all over his little orange face.  I don't predict a long life.  And not because littleb has already tried to gift him with a matchbox car so that he can "ride around in his bowl".  But partly because of that, yes.

Have a beautiful day, World:

Chicken out



19 comments:

  1. Wow. The Chicken wins the weirdness factor, hands down. *bows in awe*

    ROFL

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  2. I think you should get an award for your fabulous comments. You da BOMB, Chicken!!!

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  3. Hi Ladies. I am the Weird Bomb. How cool is that? I'd rather be that than a Jagaloon anyday.

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  4. Um, I don't know who that dude is, but he is totally hot and I love totally hot boys. I am a huge flirt even though, FOR THE RECORD, I am a happily married woman who just likes to get her flirt on and I am going over there to flirt with your boyfriend, Chicken.

    And yes, I agree with everyone. Your comments are the bestest best.

    And after I am done totally making your boy fall in love with me, I'm going to go check out your daughter's blog.

    And here's something that kind of totally creeps me out. My gynecologist who is an older man drives a purple, that's right, purple corvette. I don't know. A little too phallic for me.

    Anyway, that's it. Gotta go take care of bidness with the Aussie hottie.

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  5. Joann-am I right or am I right? He's a funny, funny Aussie and I am guessing he has a hot accent, as well. Let me know how you make out. Maybe he likes wine? Maybe he knows Bono, even. Thanks for your kind comments.

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  6. I never blog anymore these days either. Nor have I had the chance to read much. Therefore, I did not make it into this latest post, and that makes me infinitely sad and distraught. Sigh. I must get my arse in gear. Alas, my pesky career has other plans for me. Hopefully I will be back in all my glory soon enough, and will warrant some fabulously witty comments from Chickens such as yourself. Until then...

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  7. Darn it, Chicken--I miss all the good sales! I really like this post! And you do not under estimate my yearning for Chicken Postings at all...

    CB

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  8. Hi SS-good to see you checking in. I know you've been busy. Probably cruising for guys in your sporty new Camry. That takes time, I know. Just teasing. You always have my admiration.

    CB. I know. I could have used a Canadian,too. Someone really good a hopscotch, fish feeding, and general running about would have been really useful to me.

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  9. okay i haven't clicked on david yet, BUT IS HE THE GUY WHO TRIED TO PAY A BILL WITH A DRAWING OF A SEVEN LEGGED-SPIDER??? because if so i have publicly declared my love for him on facebook already and am thinking of sending my own doodle, albeit obscene, to the gas company.

    also, since we are friends now, (because liking the same spider doodle has totally been the friend-making activity since second grade), i feel you should know that i had chicken kabobs for dinner last night. and it was delicious.

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  10. *they* were delicous. friends don't let friends comment with bad grammar.

    but i'm not capitalizing or punctuating properly. don't judge me.

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  11. David Thorne lives about 20 minutes from my house...and of course I know him.There's just 1.2 million peeps in Adelaide and we all go to one another's houses on weekends to par-tay.

    I'm planning a post about comments in the near future..because dis post rocked as usual (do you like how I'm practicing gangsta speak with my"dis"?) and I'm running out ideas for original blog posts ...because I've been blogging now for all of 5 months, which is about 4 months longer than my first marriage lasted.

    Oh and I noticed you hadnt been posting , because I totally count on you for my dose of daily whacko.

    P.S. Irish food is hardly ethnic...

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  12. Britt-that is the very one. He seems a little cranky but I'm ok with that since I do not have to live with him or even see him on the weekends or share a server with him, like QIMP. Thanks for visiting. I'll be coming over to see you as soon as I am not officially on the clock.

    QIMP: Do you really live in Adelaide? I meant to check but forgot. And does he really live 20 min from you? And do you not like him? Did he steal the last jar of vegemite at the market or something? Is he cranky? Your gangsta speak is coming along well. You will be all ready when you come to visit me in RI. Maybe you could blog about your first marriage. I, for one, would like to hear that story. Were you married to DavidThorne?
    PS Irish food is not ethnic if you are Irish, you are correct:-)

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  13. This is my first time here and well, I am lost. I like chicken. In fact I was thinking about making it for dinner tonight. I will most definitely check out the spider drawing Aussie and all the other links, which now makes me feel like I have a whole lot of homework and will thus put it off until the last absolute minute because that is how I got through high school and college and probably why I blog for a living.

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  14. Chicken,

    I cant talk about my first marriage because it took me years of therapy to get over it. Like the chicken, I had to change my name and went into witness protection when it ended.

    I dont think David eats vegemite....

    P.S. Everything in Adelaide is only 20 minutes away. It's a 20 minute city.

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  15. Hi Jen-thank you for visiting and I'm sorry you are lost. Might I suggest Google Maps? Kidding. I'll be over to visit you soon. If I lived in Adelaide, I would say I'll see you in 20 minutes or so.

    QIMP-Oh understood. No need to stir up bad juju. Ummm. What does David eat? Joann and I are just wondering. You live in a 20 minute city, but I live in a 60 minute state. It only takes 60 minutes of less from any given point in the state to get to the border of another state. We are not much bigger than Adelaide, I guess.

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  16. Holy shit, that was a lot of blogging convo. Thanks for the comment...I was going to tell you, that I knew a lady whose diet was to eat 1 slice of chocolate, fudge iced cake everyday. And that's it. She said she got super skinny too.

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  17. Hi Sarah, Well that makes perfect sense to me, as well. Chocolate has caffeine and caffeine is a natural appetite suppressant. I'd try that diet first.

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  18. Hi, Chicken.
    That too busy to blog thing is going around... but this blog is like an epic blog medley, so it more than makes up for the absence... Hope things are good in your world.
    Lucky

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  19. Hi LP. I miss you but I know you are busy. Don't forget-Mr. America metrosexual reality show-awesome idea, right?

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