So I'm standing in the kitchen attempting to work my way through two days of debris when littleb sidles up and engages me in the following discussion:
littleb: Guess what, Mommy, we got some mail from a dog (laughs hysterically)
Chicken: (Chuckles half-heartedly because kitchen debris cleaning is least favorite thing.) Oh yeah? Mail from a dog, you say? Where is it?
littleb: What?
Chicken: Where is it?
littleb: What?
Chicken: Where is it?
littleb: Where's what?
Chicken: The mail!
littleb: It's at home
Chicken: So where is it?
littleb: Home?
Chicken: NO littleb, the dog mail
littleb: The dog is not at home! (Laughs)
Chicken: The mail, littleb, where's the mail that came from the dog?
littleb: (Rolls eyes) I told you already. At our home.
Chicken: (Counts to five) Yes, littleb, this is our home but where in our home is.the.mail?
littleb: (shrugs shoulders) I don't know. (Runs off)
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| Abbott & Costello / Who's on First? |
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| Chicken & littleb / Where is it? |
The next time I'll start off with, "That's nice, dear"
at least he isn't doing knock knock jokes all day. Or....is......he....?
ReplyDeleteOOHH my goodness, that sounds like the story of my life!
ReplyDeleteHave you ever read the Hank the Cowdog series? It's a hysterical series of books starring a hound dog on a Texas ranch and his trusty sidekick. They have conversations exactly like this one. When such conversations come up at our house, we just roll our eyes and call it a "Hank and Drover" conversation.
I bet Little B would like those books! ; )
It amazes me how they have such a smart ass sense of humor at such a young age...I blame genetics.
ReplyDeleteBtw, Eliana's newest thing is knocking on the front door when I'm in the bathroom (unbeknownst to me), and then yelling, "Mom! MOOOOM! Someone is at the door! Someone is knocking on the front door! I think it is your friend...you know, our neighbor!" Of course I come squabbling out of the bathroom at break neck speed with my pants around my ankles, yelling back, "I'll be there in just a minute! Hold on just a sec!" because DearGodAdultContactIsWaitingOnTheOtherSideOfTheDoorOMGOMGOMG. And you know what? No one is on the other side of the damn front door, and Eliana is laughing her butt off.
Ok so try doing this all day every day for a job...I havent had a conversation at work that made actual sense since 2001.
ReplyDeleteIve gotten great at saying "OOOH" and "AAAHHH" and "really ?" and sounding interested in all the right places without actually listening. Occasionally I get caught out but mostly it's ok...
Oh and you have nobody to blame but yourself since you actually encouraged LitteB to talk in the first place.
That's great! My kid is totally going to be like that.
ReplyDeleteUm, hello? Who cares where it IS? I want to know what it SAID. I mean, it was probably just a charity guilt-trip telling you that for just 17 cents a day you could buy bacon for this sad eyed pup in Guatemala, but who knows? Nobody. That's the point. Now we'll never know. 'Cause littleb ain't tellin.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot, littleb. Christmas is coming, lil'dude. Santa doesn't forget this shit.
GG
I'm really glad I didn't read that drunk.
ReplyDeleteHey GG-actually, he found it and showed it to me later. It was a very cute Christmas card from one of Bill's friends with a picture of their dog wearing reindeer antlers. So there was mail after all, but littleb needed to screw with my head a little bit, I guess.
ReplyDeleteElly Lou-so today is not motherfuckinbooze day? Damn.
I'm totally disappointed that littelb confused mail FROM a dog with mail picturing a dog. I thought, hell, if Chicken is going to be corresponding with a dog, maybe she can find out why one of MY dogs thinks the broom is a ninja dog assassin, and why my other dog continues to believe he will emerge victorious from dog vs. porcupine, despite having to be held down 8 (EIGHT!) times while we pull hundreds of sharp owie things out of his face. Because to me, that seems like an awful lot of failed aversion therapy, even for a dog, so a little insight would have been nice.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah, I'm bummed that is was just a christmas card. But hey, I'm willing to cut littleb some slack, because he's a kid, and he's cute, and that goes a long way with me. So I've already called Santa and told him to put a hold on that order of Reindeer Poop. You can tell littleb he dodged a bullet this time.
GG
ha ha. See? This is why I'd babysit Little b any day.
ReplyDeleteIt would be nice for him to have someone else to spin his wildling tales with. Me too, come to think of it.
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ReplyDeleteChicken, you are gorgeous and littleb, despite being supremely frustrating with the teasing about the mail from the dog, is adorable. Sometimes I have to wonder if I ever did goofy things like that when I was little, because in my head I've always made total and complete sense.
ReplyDeletexo -El
Ah, dog mail. Of course.
ReplyDeleteI think the blowtorch method is preferable for cleaning kitchen debris. Just a helpful suggestion.
My problem now is that the kids are teenagers and have evolved a vocabulary that I actually DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
ReplyDeleteSo our Abbot and Costello sketches are not only frequent, but I can't even translate them later.
I respond by grounding them.
I don't KNOW that they've said anything inappropriate or insulting, but why take chances??
Absurdist playwright in the making! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh thankgoodness finally a picture of you! Now I won't keep imagining you like a freakin' chicken!
ReplyDeleteAs for littleb, you do realize that a shot of bubble gum Tylenol will knock him out for a couple of hours....just sayin'...
So is the dog on first base? Or what?
ReplyDeleteI remember these kinds of conversations! I do believe they warped my mind forever.
He was probably referring to pee-mail dogs leave around the house.
ReplyDelete