What do you get when you combine red wine + snow day + insomnia?
Free Association Tuesday! Er...Wednesday....whatever.
On Free Association Tuesday/Wednesday, we get up in the middle of the night and babble on about whatever comes to mind without really caring if anyone reads it. We try to use correct grammar and spelling, but this is by no means guaranteed.
And so.
Good evening, Passengers, this is your Captain. But you can call me Chicken. Well, it looks like we have some gnarly weather conditions out there tonight, Chicksters, so buckle in and flag down your flight attendant for free peanuts and a $5 beer. And don't worry so much. It might get a little bumpy, but I'll get you to where we are going. Wherever that is. Thanks for flying with the Chicken.
Andddd we're cleared for take-off.
As you may recall, over Thanksgiving, between tweets, I unwittingly fell captive to a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon. I went from, "This is so stupid" to "Hey, are those Julia Robert's lips", to "More. I need more" in about 30 minutes.
I don't know what it is that has me so enthralled; maybe the parties, maybe the clothes, maybe the botox. But whatever it is, it seems to me that in between the bitching, fighting, and catty commenting, these ladies are having a lot of fun in the sun. With pretty dresses. And accessories. It is my current guilty pleasure and I'm owning that right up front. Hey. I'm not proud of it. I'm genetically predisposed to bad television. But this is not a cry for help. Let's be clear about that.
If you, too, are genetically predisposed to bad television and have been watching the RHOBH, you know that the bad girl Housewife, Camille Grammer, (Yes, married to Kelsey Grammer, for all you non-watchers), has been the subject of much speculation of late. Not only is she not a housewife, so much as an ex-wife, these days, but her cast mates have found, and recently circulated web-wide, some nude photos of her from a previous career. (Because, after all, if you can't depend on your mates to pump your publicity, who can you count on?).
Frankly, Camille is hot. And I don't want to hear about the enhanced boobs, the manipulative streak, the cattiness, or any of the other unattractive traits that personify the bad housewife. If you do not think she's hot, that's fine, but I challenge you to find a hot blooded, heterosexual male who doesn't (and it has to be an honest one, not your husband who might get hit with a shoe if he says, "yeah, I'd tap that"). I know, I know. It pains me every single time she purrs that all of the ladies are jealous of her. And then does the shrug thing. And flashes the sly smile. It does. But she's a little bit right.
Camille looks great. There are naked pictures on the internet. And I want to see them. Am I the only one? I'm not really sure what to make of this urge. First of all, it's not like there's much left to the imagination on the show. Do I really need to see pubic hair and nipples to complete the picture? I'm curious, but even my curiosity does not generally sink to that level of shallowness.
I blame genetic mapping. Yes. Somewhere, back when evolution started, after the apes, maybe, but before language, back when real women were cave women, there was no shame in checking out the competition and sizing up the threat. And beating them with an ugly club should the opportunity present itself whilst out picking wild berries.
"Oops. Is that you Camille? So sorry. Thought you were a wild boar. (shrug/smile)"
Now we do not do that. We say, "Well yeah, I guess she's hot, if you like silicone and peroxide (shrug/smile)". And then we either look for damaging photos on the internet, or make a play for Kyle's husband, depending on our perspective. But I could be projecting.
Where was I? Oh. So all over America, women are cheering because they think Camille has been thrown from her high horse. We are oh so wrong, Chicksters. She's not been thrown. Dude, she's been launched! She's single, she's wealthy, she's hot (I still maintain), and now she's famous. She'll be co-hosting the Regis and Camille show before the end of 2011.
Well, perhaps she might not be pegged for Kelly Ripta's role, given that Kelly is both hot and well liked, but mark my words, she'll be hosting something. Right in your face.
Hide yo' husband.
Chicken out
Thank you Captain Chicken for this whirlwind trip through your mind! I agree, this season of BH has been fascinating and I was NOT going to get involved at all! Camille is an entire season all to herself. I just keep watching the show to see if that lip implant in the duck-like gal is going to poke through.
ReplyDeleteI haven't watched these shows, so I'm only going to comment on the fact that there's always a lot of bitchery going on about a woman's sexuality.
ReplyDeleteNude photos? Fine. Have at it. Is she trying to be a nun or a school teacher or . . . you know what? Doesn't matter. People should be able to own their sexuality.
Plus, who doesn't like naked pictures?
I made you turn on your comments so I can say, I totally disagree. I don't find her hot in the least! I think she's a little odd looking. Her body is plastic and her personality makes her truly one of the ugliest people on the planet.
ReplyDeleteAND, my husband who has NO problem, saying, "Take a look at those hooters" or pointing out to me the hottest girl in the room, thinks she's gross.
I am usually not driven by schadenfreude, but in this case I am laughing my ass off at all of her misfortune. Never have I seen someone so deserving of all the bad that is coming her way. She is egotistical, obnoxious, self absorbed, a gold digger and a pathological liar.
Those other women don't cause drama because they're jealous of her. They're merely fighting back after she falsely accuses them of things. (Kyle) Notice how she thinks all women are jealous of her and at the same time, she doesn't seem to have any friends, only paid ones. I think it speaks volumes.
And as for the other housewives finding those pictures and releasing them, I say, Freakin good for them.
It was one of the most hypocritical things I've ever seen when Camille called Kyle's friend out for posing in Playboy, calling her immoral. Hello! Camille posed for Playboy! Talk about delusional. I think Camille got exactly what deserved from those other ladies.
God help us if she gets a talk show. She needs to crawl under the slimy rock she came out of.
Oh and I think Kyle is much hotter than her. And speaking of, hot, Mauricio? Yum!
Okay, I feel better now that I got to bash the most obnoxious person on the planet.
Hi Betty, yes, I agree, Taylor's lips are kind of a show in themselves.
ReplyDeleteSuniverse-given your dislike of Gwynneth, I'm not sure how you'd really feel about Camille if you listened to her for five minutes.
Joann-I'm going to have to remove your comment. Psych. Oh, I don't think Camille's nice. And maybe hot isn't the right word. But I do find her fascinating. If she was getting what she deserved, Ellen Degeneres wouldn't be interested in having her on as a guest-no one would-she'd be f-listed:-) And I'm not really sure Kelsey was a prize, either, so really, how has she been hurt if she's more famous, richer, single, and her reputation hasn't suffered because, hello, no one likes her anyway. She's just more notorious, which will work in her favor. Speaking of the dinner, though, how about that Alison Dubois? Was that creepy or what? She ruined the whole Medium show for me. And if Kyle or better yet, Mauricio, had nude photos out there, I wouldn't be sitting here writing to you:-)
i'm with you, there's nothing wrong with a little "analysis." looking at the naked pics would like reading a white paper on being hot.
ReplyDeleteI don't watch RHBH, so I can't comment. I do think Kelsey Grammer is a bit of a douche and I firmly believe anyone who leaves him (or is left by him) is definitely better off.
ReplyDeleteYou'll need to elaborate on the Medium issue.
CB
Hi CB. The Grammers produce The Medium and apparently Alison Dubois is a friend of Camille's and one recent show featured her coming to dinner with all the wives. She was puffing on this electronic cigarette, got wasted on the wine, and proceeded to make all these awful predictions about one of the wives, accompanied by evil and weird facial expressions. It was bizarre. Reality t.v. being what it is (not that real) who knows, but I can't watch The Medium now without thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteOh, sweet baby Jesus, I love the RHOBH. And Camille? Yeah. She's hot. This is HILARE!
ReplyDelete"Thought you were a wild boar (shrug/smile)." I laughed. Out loud. Which is way different than LOL because I do not do that shit.
Love ya, Chicken!
ps - look at the photos. No harm in that.
A colleague of mine LOVES to use Jennifer Love Hewitt as an example to show the differences between men and women: according to his unscientific survey, EVERY woman that he asked told him she thinks JLH is ugly or at least NOT hot, whereas men in general like seeing her.
ReplyDeleteTarja, if I look at those photos, Camille wins.
ReplyDeleteSubWOW-JLH is hot. Apparently, I have man brain or something.
Why do I never see these stupid reality shows! It's probably a good thing. I'm already hooked on "Toddler's in Tiaras" and am patiently waiting for the guy with four wives, "Sister Wives" to find a fifth wife so I can watch that courtship. I need that show with Camille like a need a hole in the head....now tell me, what channel and what time!
ReplyDeleteHi Sandra-BRAVO, Baby, Thursday nights at 10 pm. At least here it is. Not sure about your neck of the woods. And if you have, "On Demand" you can catch up!
ReplyDeleteI love hating Camille...
ReplyDeleteOh...well now I feel bad for always thinking that Patricia Arquette was your doppelganger. I mean, you aren't in the least bit evil or bizarre. Although you should trade in the occasional Marlboro for those electric cigs...tobacco will be the death of you Chicken and then who will write my favorite blog?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I didn't see the episode. I really like Medium. (And I can't wait to see when the girl who plays Bridgett finally comes out of the closet. Love her, she is a great actor--but those writers have got to stop pairing her up with male love interests.)And what happened to the oldest girl--is she at college? Was she kidnapped by Aliens? Is she at medium college? I have questions Chicken and you need to provide answers. I blame you for this bought of sleeplessness. (Or perhaps it's the extreme guilt I feel over making chicken soup in the crock pot...) Judy Tuneuta (the comediean with the accordian) is on TV now...wow who knew she was still kicking around? I'll check back later for answers Chicken. Don't make me hunt you down and add you to the crock pot ;-) Kidding Chicken. Kidding.
G2G
CB
WOW! That was fun! I'm not much for flying but I'd take a trip with you any day :o)
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't see what the big deal is... I'd be curious too. You aren't alone ;O)
If the Chicken AND the Chalupa watch the show, I'm definitely missing out. I've never seen it. The only thing I know about Camille is that she has Irritable Bowel Syndrome as reported by Chelsea Handler which is where I get most of my celebrity gossip. I would like to see her naked though. I'd like to see you naked. Don't worry, if we were in a locker room together, I'd totally keep my eyes to myself. However, I'd totally check out a picture of you nekid. If it was handed to me, I'd look.
ReplyDeletewell, she could pummel Kelly for Regis, but that's besides the point (I love Kelly - she's just like a twig on the verge of snapping). Camille? I think she's pretty cool. But Kyle, now, she's my kinda girl. Mmmm, Hmmmm.
ReplyDeleteWhat's a little porn among friends.
ReplyDeleteI have to say though, I don't get it. I don't find her that attractive yet she got Kelsey and is on the Housewives, and you're probably bang on (no pun intended) she will end up with her own talk show!