Friday, July 18, 2014

Fashion is a Two-Faced Bitch: Hair Got You Down?

Does your hair hang low?  Does it wobble to and fro?  Can you tie it in a knot, can you tie it in a bow? Can you  throw it o'er your shoulder like a continental soldier? Does your hair hang  low?

Well,  you're in luck, friends, because the scrunchie is back!  That's right, that 80's  staple has bounced back into fashion's highest circles.  It is once again totally cool to gather your unruly mane and contain it with a wide stretch  of elastic material covered in a fabric that complements your outfit.

The scrunchie is like the loud, colorful cousin you don't realize you've missed until you run into her at the family reunion.  There she is, governing the horse shoe pit with an iron glove, dressed in a lime green and fuchsia muumuu, and throwing back tequila like a tourist in Cabo on Cinco de Mayo.  You can't help but smile when you see her.

At least you might feel that way.  As with all things fashion related, however, my experience with scrunchies is a bit more unnerving.

My last scrunchie encounter took place in 2001.  The thing was crouching in a corner under my girl's bed, covered in dust balls, and I swear it had tiny, feral eyes that glared out at me, daring me to come in after it.  Bat, rat or hair piece, I wasn't sure what it was, so I stilled my pounding heart, narrowed my eyes, and took up arms.  The battle commenced, as I swiped wildly under the bed with my broom.  It was intense, but I emerged victorious after shoving the bed aside and exposing the rogue scrunchie to sunlight, a phenomenon it hadn't experienced in years.  Temporarily blinded, it remained still long enough for me to scoop it up on the end of my  broom and deposit it  in the trash.

Our home has been scrunchie-free ever since and, like denim on denim and leopard print,  it's not a trend I intend to embrace this fall or ever.  But you go ahead.

I'll  just tuck my unruly mane behind my low-hanging ears per usual.

Chicken out


  1. I so loved scrunchies. At the time.

    Like so many other fashion trends, I refuse to take part the second time around. I'm running out of fashion options, actually, because of that rule.

    1. Oh come on Jenny, throw on your mom jeans and get thee down to Target for some scrunchies. I, for one, will totally be embracing wide-leg jeans, elastic waisted jeans. Remember that trend? I could swear it was a trend in 1987.

    2. I think the trend I liked the least was stirrup pants. Early 90's, I'd guess. With long waisted sweaters over them. And a perm. Oh no, I have resurrected some images it will take weeks to scrub from my brain.

      Elastic waited jeans, on the other hand - room for expansion after all the summer treats, eh?

    3. OMG Stirrup pants!! I forgot about them. I had a pair or two. But my step mother loovvved them. I'll have to tease her about it when I see her this weekend. You know, Jenny, stirrup pants are due for a moment.....

  2. I loved scruncies. So soft. So comfy. Scrunchies are like fat pants for your hair. And let's face it - it could be worse. Hello, banana combs??? Because nothing said 80's cool chick like torturing your spiral perm into a fauxhauwk down the back of your skull with a giant neon plastic barrette. We must learn from history, my friends, and not let that tragedy repeat itself. -GG


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