Tuesday, September 2, 2014

This blog might be armed and dangerous...

My blog has gone rogue and might be lurking around a corner near you.

It escaped through a broken link. Is there something odd about the fellow on the bar stool next to you?  Could be my blog. Do yourself a favor.  Get up, nonchalantly, mind you, don't make a show of it, and stroll away, quick-like.  Whatever you do, don't look it in the eye.  If it tries to bum a cigarette, you don't smoke.  If it wants a ride home, you're going the opposite way.  If it wants to buy you a drink, you ain't thirsty.  Got it?

Because my blog is just waiting on a reason to kick your blog's ass.

I don't know what I did, who knows....maybe I didn't feed it enough in its formative years.  It's true-there were times when I'd go months between postings.  I didn't know, for Pete's sake. I didn't know blogs could be such pricks.

Now I'm hearing the stories:  Readers turned away at the gate, false membership mandates, domain names denied, unresponsive blog rolls, and thousands of followers lost.  Okay hundreds.  Hundreds of followers gone.  Fine, like a hundred, okay?  A hundred followers vanished without a trace.  And not only that, but we have a severe case of failure to update.

I think my blog may have skipped the country.  Yesterday I received a message comprised of magazine cut-outs that read

"You're a mean old wankerand I ain't comin' back ever".

And it's spell checking in the King's English.  Right now, It's probably sitting in some seedy London pub eating fish and chips, drinking warm beer, and bragging to Keith Richards about all the chat rooms it trashed back in the states.

Any minute now I expect I'll start seeing random Instagram postings of my blog behaving badly all across the UK.  Maybe it's sporting a beard, several new tattoos, and is thinking of joining the IRA.  It's probably developed a fake accent.

You know, I'm sure there's no cause for alarm but just to be on the safe side, if you see my blog, text blog control and seek shelter. It might be rabid.  Seriously.


Have you seen this blog?  Oh, wait, that's just George Michael.  Nice eyebrows, George Michael.

Chicken out

14 comments:

  1. Your blog is behaving fine for me. No issues.

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    1. Thanks Geezers-I stuck some duct tape on a few links, jury-rigged a gizmo, and I think I'm good. For now.

      Delete
  2. Chickie, this was hilarious! Your blog is behaving fine for me, too, but then I don't have a blog myself and I'm not signed up as a follower, so we aren't linked beyond the fact that I just stop by. Maybe that means it's not your blog that's the problem, just the whole freakin' internet. Love the eyebrow

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    Replies
    1. Jenny_O, you are like Apple....your process is simple and elegant and works perfectly every time....

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  3. That should have read: "Love the eyebrow reference"

    (Accidentally posted before I was done. Maybe it's not the internet, either. Maybe it's the people behind the computers. No, wait, they're not all like me. Hmm.)

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    Replies
    1. I knew what you meant:-) In my case it is definitely the person behind the computer. Or chicken, as the case may be.

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  4. I don't know if it was your blog or not, but I saw *something*... It was crossing the road again and again. I was afraid it would be hit by a car, but instead, on the sidewalk, it was run into by a kid on a tricycle wearing a black leather jacket with a patch on the back that read "Oakland Pride 2014 Tykes on Trikes". Do you think that was it?

    -Doug in Oakland

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    Replies
    1. Could have been it, Doug...did it look lost? Was that kid part of the notorious Tykes on Trike gang currently waging war against preschools everywhere? Blog might have met its match.

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    2. No, he was just a straggler from Oakland's gay pride parade last Sunday. Whereas the San Francisco parade is traditionally led by the Dykes on Bikes, in a bid at family-friendliness Oakland led theirs with Tykes on Trikes. I didn't go, but from what I read they were very cute.

      -Doug in Oakland

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    3. I guess that explains why my blog was there.

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  5. Someone or something finished off the last of my mint chocolate chip ice cream between the hours of midnight and 8:00 a.m. this morning and left the empty carton in the sink just to taunt me. Damn you, Chicken!

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry, Jayne, but I cannot be held responsible for the ice cream thieving antics of my blog. Not that I wouldn't have eaten it if I had been there. You should be happy, though, because had I been there, I would have first polished off your wine supply and then your ice cream.

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  6. When I tried to log on to your blog it said some snarky things about my writing abilities, I apologised and it let me through the gate. I can accept that.

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    1. SFM, I can empathize. You should hear the things it has said about my writing over the years. I do not share my blogs opinion about your writing. Actually, my blog is snarky on principle. It's probably never even visited your blog. It would take time away that could be better spent torturing me.

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