Fashion is a Two-Faced Bi.........We Preempt this Regularly Scheduled Programming..........

Hello Global Fashionistas!

I apologize for Chicken's absence.  She is....on vacation.

In Kentucky.

This is your Guru, Gin Tumm!  I'll be guest posting this morning.

I'm here today representing all of the designers and stylists you know, love and trust, as well as future designers, stylists, and fashion icons you have yet to meet. And Hollywood.  And reality stars, too. What the hell.  They spend a lot of money.

The thing is, Global Fashionista audience, you have been misled.  You have been lied to.  We will not permit ourselves, and our small inclusive world, to be maligned by this dowdy, snarky, misinformed Chicken person.  Clothes don't talk, people.  They are not making fun of you.  Fashion loves you.  You and your money.

We've seized this blog today to deliver the Good News. The Truth! There is only one Queen and her name is Fashion.  Defy her rule at your own expense.  For in her house are many labels. If it were not so, we would  have told you.  We go there to find the perfect label for you.

But only if you stop reading this Chicken smut.

You should be angry, Dear Readers, that Chicken has led you down this dangerous path of defiance.  Did you learn nothing from the People of Wal-mart?  Do you not know what happens to the unfashionable among us? How they are ostracized and deemed irrelevant?  How their photos are taken anonymously only to be tweeted, blogged, emailed, you-tubed, instagrammed, and pinterested to infinity?

Sure, those sweat pants, the ones with the hole in the thigh, are super comfortable, and that stretched out hoodie is warm on a cold morning, but do you really want your backside to end up in a magazine in four color graphics under the DON'T column?  Well?  Do you?  Or worse yet, on some anonymous blog  that goes viral until you eventually get forwarded an unfortunate photo of yourself in pajamas, leaning over in the aisle comparing cat food brands?

What does the Fox say now, aye?

The Fox should be saying, "Shit.  I'm going to buy a Marc Jacobs suit pronto and lose this stupid Fox outfit.

And you, Dear Readers, should do what the Fox said.

Yipp Yippp yiupppppp yippppp!!!

Gin Tumm out

Far out.

This message brought to you by the ILGWU

Poor fashion choices, People.  Don't let this happen to you.

Fashion is a Two-Faced Bitch: Dress Down Friday

Casual Fridays got you down?  Are you tired of khakis, crisp white shirts and blazers, but not sure where that thin line lies between relaxed and professional?  Never fear, my lambs; Chicken is here to guide you with a carefully curated collection of relaxed Friday looks.

A helpful tip:  Ideally, your Friday look should say something about your personality, interests, and how you might be spending your upcoming weekend.

For example:

Vivienne Westwood:
This is a perfect Friday look for a stodgy, conservative environment like Wall Street or JP Morgan.  This look says, "Yes, I'm managing hedge funds right now, but later I will be hunting pheasant at my country manor or perhaps spanking a naughty Scottish banker."

Next up Philli Wood:
Who doesn't like a cozy cable knit in a cheery color?  This look says, "Later, I'll be playing the part of the large intestine in our local community theater group's production of  The Magic School Bus:  Digestion."

Gilles Mendel:
Do you work in a start-up environment?  Here's your Friday ensemble!  This look says, "Tonight I will drink absinthe, write a dark poem about League of Legends, troll neighborhood pubs, and consume an unsuspecting biology major."

Anna Sui:
This look says, "I love butterflies and trees and Orlando Bloom.  Later I'm going to sit on my couch with my five cats and watch all three Chronicles of Narnia movies. Again.  And then I'm going  to plant a tree and maybe paint a pentagram on my living room floor.  And, also, I love Johnny Depp.

Monclerre Gamme Bleu:
Here's one for you men in the audience. Striking the right balance in any work environment, this look says, "I live in France because I'm cool like that and I like plaid. You should like plaid, too. Because I like plaid.  Later, I'll get drunk and pontificate on a variety of subjects."

Balmain:
This fabulous Friday look says, "First, I'll take out Batman and his annoying little sidekick, then I'll make a video with Snoop Dog."

Kate Spade:
"Later I'll be attending a Stepford Wives reunion."

Marc Jacobs:
"Would you like to buy a Dalmatian? I have 101 of them in my trunk."

Have a great weekend, friends!

Chicken out