Friday, October 25, 2013

Fashion is a Two-Faced Bi.........We Preempt this Regularly Scheduled Programming..........

Hello Global Fashionistas!

I apologize for Chicken's absence.  She is....on vacation.

In Kentucky.

This is your Guru, Gin Tumm!  I'll be guest posting this morning.

I'm here today representing all of the designers and stylists you know, love and trust, as well as future designers, stylists, and fashion icons you have yet to meet. And Hollywood.  And reality stars, too. What the hell.  They spend a lot of money.

The thing is, Global Fashionista audience, you have been misled.  You have been lied to.  We will not permit ourselves, and our small inclusive world, to be maligned by this dowdy, snarky, misinformed Chicken person.  Clothes don't talk, people.  They are not making fun of you.  Fashion loves you.  You and your money.

We've seized this blog today to deliver the Good News. The Truth! There is only one Queen and her name is Fashion.  Defy her rule at your own expense.  For in her house are many labels. If it were not so, we would  have told you.  We go there to find the perfect label for you.

But only if you stop reading this Chicken smut.

You should be angry, Dear Readers, that Chicken has led you down this dangerous path of defiance.  Did you learn nothing from the People of Wal-mart?  Do you not know what happens to the unfashionable among us? How they are ostracized and deemed irrelevant?  How their photos are taken anonymously only to be tweeted, blogged, emailed, you-tubed, instagrammed, and pinterested to infinity?

Sure, those sweat pants, the ones with the hole in the thigh, are super comfortable, and that stretched out hoodie is warm on a cold morning, but do you really want your backside to end up in a magazine in four color graphics under the DON'T column?  Well?  Do you?  Or worse yet, on some anonymous blog  that goes viral until you eventually get forwarded an unfortunate photo of yourself in pajamas, leaning over in the aisle comparing cat food brands?

What does the Fox say now, aye?

The Fox should be saying, "Shit.  I'm going to buy a Marc Jacobs suit pronto and lose this stupid Fox outfit.

And you, Dear Readers, should do what the Fox said.

Yipp Yippp yiupppppp yippppp!!!

Gin Tumm out

Far out.

This message brought to you by the ILGWU

Poor fashion choices, People.  Don't let this happen to you.


14 comments:

  1. Between this column and the myriad and amusing examples set by my fellow bus-commuters, I hope to avoid the snapshot of myself on People of WalMart.

    Whew!

    Pearl

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    Replies
    1. Pearl-I avoid Wal-mart completely just to be on the safe side. If they start a "People of CVS" site, I might be in trouble

      Delete
  2. You mean we're NOT supposed to wear fur coats and ears and black makeup on our noses??

    Ladies Garment Union - LOL

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    Replies
    1. AND, I just realized the significance of Chicken in ... Kentucky; just call me slo-o-o-o-w-w-w

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    2. Jenny-on the contrary, I'm wearing my cat outfit right now. I only like to be the animals we DO know the sounds for. And no worries regarding my lame jokes. When I read this in six months, I won't get it either.

      Delete
    3. I thought it was hilarious. My only fear is that I have missed more!

      Delete
  3. I check POWM daily just to ensure I am not in it...

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  4. I can't believe I never knew about POWM before--except in my brain, which hurts a lot when I think about them.

    Now I have to dash off to do some googling! You are too fun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fashion in the modern times...Nice post!

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  6. Hi Cutella, thank you for reading!

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  7. "Do you not know what happens to the unfashionable among us? How they are ostracized and deemed irrelevant?" Whewwww...I am totally safe because I am over 50 and I am already deemed irrelevant (as far as fashion) goes.

    While I am not saying I hear voices coming from clothes, I will say that the fashion industry is conspiring to make it harder to find things to talk to. I wear a small size that isn't in many stores any more. Shopping is a futile and exhausting process so old stretch pants might be around for the long haul.

    ReplyDelete

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