OH! Well! Look who finally showed up. If it isn't the World.
Do you know what time it is?
Where the hell have you been??
I spent hours. HOURS, do you hear me? I spent HOURS planning a beautiful post; HOURS shopping for just the right ingredients-the perfect analogy, the wryest wit, sarcasm with just the right amount of bite; HOURS constructing and layering each of those ingredients into a delicious reading experience just for you and what do you do? NOTHING, that's what. You didn't respond to my Tweet, you didn't click on my link, you didn't even check in just to see how I was doing on Valentine's Day.
And now my beautiful Post is RUINED. It's deflated and soggy. YES IT IS!!!
Don't even try to make me feel better. I'm too upset.
(Chicken reaches for her coat, flips her scarf dramatically around her neck
and heads for the door).
If you NEED me Loyal Readers, which I'm sure you WON'T, I'll be over at Alanis' house drinking Chardonnay. SHE really gets me. You coming with me Pearl Annabelle Lafleur?
Pearl just said "Damn Straight I am, Chicken, lemme grab my coat." Now that's Loyalty.
Smell you later world.
(off stage sound of door slamming. Dramatically.)
Why Chicken, so nice to meet you and read your stuff. You are hilarious and I am recommending you to all of my high-powered friends and colleagues. That scarf you are wearing is lovely. Signed Anna Wintour (Editor Vougue)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anna. Love your magazine. If you are ever in need of a bit of satirical humor, I'm your Chicken.
ReplyDeleteChicken. People Suck. Love Alanis Morrisette.
ReplyDeleteAlanis. Don't be sending the Chicken those bad vibes. Chicken loves people. She needs people. She's not a hot-shit singer like you so just step back, Girlfriend. Chardonnay and nicotine at your place tonight? See you then, Hon. XOXO Pearl.
ReplyDeleteChicken. If you don't stop telling people about our affair, my lawyers will be contacting you. Miss you.
ReplyDeleteTiger
Tiger. You wish.
ReplyDeleteChicken
Chicken,
ReplyDeleteStop drinking the bong water. Anna, Alanis, and Tiger do not read your blog. I do, however, and I am way better than any of them.
Whoops! Sorry I missed this one! Please help me to know when you post Chicken!
ReplyDeleteCB
Dear Unpronouncable Chicken,
ReplyDelete(What is a consig thingy? I'm a bit thick you know)
Ta for visiting my bloggy. I wouldn't have left you alone on valentines day. I might have eaten your leg but I wouldn't have left you alone...;-)
mmmmmmm......chicken legs.....
I will be back.
Some would tell you that is a worry...;-)
4D x
Anonymous: A real comment warms my heart and yes you are way better, if less punctual, than all my imaginary friends. Whoever you are.
ReplyDeleteCB: My most loyal reader-I'm sending you a direct line
4D x: Thanks for visiting MY bloggy. A Consigliere is the offial "Advisor" to the don of any Mafia family. If you have ever seen the movie "The Godfather", the Consigliere played a crucial role. One day soon I will tell the story behind the title. You wouldn't want to eat my legs, however. They are stringy and tough. But thanks for the love.
Please refrain from telling me anything that may possibly land me in the witness protection program, but...your profile picture...who IS that? Because last time I looked, chickie, your plumage was a little less brunette.Enquiring minds want to know... But they don't want to end up being fitted for cement Uggs, ya know what I'm sayin?
ReplyDeleteGG
Ha. That is the funny thing. You know how I am chicken and all? Well that is a real photo of a Columbian Drug Lord. I've been thinking I should maybe change it:-) Prince would probably be way easier to deal with than this guy.
ReplyDeleteO.k., I just found this post and could not love the comments more. Also, is that Pablo Escobar?
ReplyDeleteThanks Suniverse...okay. I give up. You are about the fifth person to ask me that so it must be Pablo Escobar. I will now go google Pablo Escobar. It's like I live in a cave or something.
ReplyDelete