Friday, March 19, 2010

Today We Lay to Rest...and other stuff.


OBITUARY:

Silver, Purple Lexus, of Somewhere in New England, formerly of In-Skip Auto, Rhode Island, passed away unexpectedly on March 18, 2010, after a brief illness.

Born in Tokyo in 1997, Lexus immigrated to this country sometime shortly thereafter.  He was the beloved son of Silver Lexus and Purple Lexus of Toyota Nation, and is survived by the Chicken Family, also of New England.

Lexus is remembered for his quick pick-up, ability to start in sub-zero weather and his love of fast food wrappers, children's toys, and empty coffee mugs.  

Please join the Chicken family in a celebration of Lexus' life at Roy's Salvage Yard at 9:00 AM, March 19, 2010.  In lieu of flowers donations may be made to the Chicken's New Car Fund, Pontiac Avenue Flood Fund, or to the Teach Toyotas to Swim Fund, but preferably Chicken's New Car Fund.

And now on to more uplifting news, such as the 2010 Census, which seems to have captured the attention of several fellow bloggers and now has me thinking that I haven't given this process enough consideration.  What I have learned is that 1.) there are many confusing and complicated questions and 2.) that you are required by law to fill it out.

Ooooooh Realllyyyyyy?  And if I don't?

What happens then?  Just wondering so that I can make an informed decision.   Because the 2010 Census is the type of mail that will sit in my "Must Do Someday" pile on top of my fridge, along with my overdue donation to Boystown for the lovely gloves they sent me this past winter that I did indeed wear and was thankful for, but for which I have not yet made a sizeable donation (but totally will do someday.  See how it works?).  I'm afraid my ability to avoid the "Must do Someday" pile far exceeds the 14 day time limit given to respond. 

I know they won't hold back our tax refund because I'm pretty sure "refund" and "taxes" are not two words one would find paired together in our household.  More like "Taxes" and "Give us all your Savings". 

Of course, if not filling out the Census involves very dire consequences such as jail, or even worse, regular phone calls from enthusiastic Census Workers, then I will have to reconsider.  Because we all know how much I hate it when the phone rings. 

In that case, I will fill it out post haste and most likely with assistance from my friend Kendall. Jackson.  But I will most likely provide much extraneous information because I am sure some of these questions will not have a simple answer and therefore will require an additional full explanation, which will be neatly typed out in size 8 font and attached in duplicate just in case there is another government office that requires a copy and so that I can save some poor intern more time so that she can spend more time doing more important stuff, like attending to her drycleaning.  I'm not trying to screw up the poor intern's life.  I just want to make sure the process of recording my census results is as much of a pain in the ass as possible.  my answers are as accurate as possible. 

Chicken is a good citizen but may have a slight ODD inclination for which she is not medicated. 

Don't forget to click on the Chicken Crossing The Road for your completely free visitor gift
Chicken out

7 comments:

  1. Hey Chicken,
    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. It's always lucky to have a chicken visit. I wandered on over here to have a look and below is the email I just sent my husband at work.

    Dear Mr. P.

    I know it is my day off and I had very little planned besides cleaning the house until it sparkled. However , while checking emails this morning (I swear I was only on there for one minute) someone called The Chicken’s Consigliere sent me a message after visiting my blog and I felt obligated to respond by going and looking at her blog which is only polite if someone takes the time to leave you a comment. It only takes 30 seconds and often you don’t need to go back because then you know the person is not a kindred spirit.

    Hon, I am sorry to tell you that I went to the Chicken Coop, and it is a very very very bad place.

    I have a feeling I am going to go back to the bad place often, drawn by witty writing, seriously laugh out loud (repeatedly ) comments and a warped view of life I really enjoyed. I ended up spending two hours reading her blog and at one point had to go change my undies from laughing so hard. Get used to having dust bunnies the size of elephants in the hallways, no clean clothes to wear, and dishes in the sink. That chicken rocks and she is funny as hell.

    Love Mrs. P
    XXX

    P.S. Can you pick up McDonalds and milk on the way home? I didn’t have a chance to organise dinner or do the shopping.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow QIMP, that is possibly the nicest endorsement I have received. What does Mr. P do for a living? It does not involve machetes, I hope. I would not want an enemy who regularly carries a machete. Thanks so much-I'm glad we connected. More fun for both of us:-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Quit whining and fill out the Census. If nothing other than as a way to tell Glenn Beck to shove it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. RIP Slurple Lexus!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous-if I didn't whine, I wouldn't have anything to write about. Now I have to go look up Glenn Beck and then I'll get back to you. Thanks CB!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Chicken, DON'T fill out the census! It's just one more way for THEM to keep tabs on Chickens!!!! Stay off the grid and we promise not to roast you (except when your comments invite it, of course). For the rest of the blog: RIP, Lexus. And in general: lol! This really keeps me going some days. Go Chicken, go!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey there Bea, so glad you checked in. I take it you are all unpacked and settled again! It is good to have you back with all your funny comments.

    ReplyDelete

Say something. You know you want to.