Sunday, May 30, 2010

Blllllllpppppppp.......Chicken.

Hi there.

How have you been?  Me?  Doing well, thanks for asking. 

I have some housekeeping to do.  Coffee Lovin' Mom, one of my new favorite reads, awarded me with the Beautiful Blogger Award.  Thanks CLM.  There is no pick-me-up like an award to boost you spirits and ego!


Also, the lovely S. from "You Wish Your Life Was More Like Mine" awarded me with this:

I feel the need to clarify that the Lovely S. is my firstborn, and therefore this might be one of those, "If I don't give this award to Chicken, she might not let me use her washer/dryer anymore.  God, it is SUCH a pain that she reads my blog".  But I don't think so.  S. likes me because she is not 16 now.  She also listed my cooking as one of her favorite things.  S. has a very long memory.  She is obviously reaching back to those days when I actually did cook.  These days it's more of a free for all and take out. 

Anyway, rules are rules and I would like to pass on the Beautiful Blogger award to Flabby Ninja.  I am also passing on the Super Commenter award to Joann at Laundry Hurts My Feelings, Mrs. P at Quilting in My Pajamas, Katie at Katies Dailies, Bossy Betty, Dee at a number of very secret places but she knows who she is:-), and Dalia the Stalker at Neurotic Girl's blog, as well as CB, who also knows who she is.  Some of the greatest commenters do not have blogs, they just share their love:-)

Housekeeping.  Check.

I feel the need to write more letters:

Dear DavidThorne:
I received your recent twitter posting with great delight.  A sitcom.  How great is that?  I've tried a number of avenues to determine whether this news is a hoax.  I'm happy to report that a number of internet sites do report that Renee Zelwegger does indeed favor a seaweed diet, and Gary Coleman did pass away (rest in peace), but that reporter was nowhere to be found.  While Keanu Reeves is hot and I can see why you would want him to portray you in the sitcom, I would rather see DavidThorne play David Thorne; or, as I mentioned in my response, Johnny Depp.  The squirrels I'm iffy about.  Pirates are quite dashing, though, and eye patches are trending now, as are fang marks.  Just a thought. I'd love to discuss the soundtrack when you have a free minute.  Also, could you take a minute to post on your blog.  Please?  The "Adelaide Community Server Sucks" excuse was eaten by a shark and is no longer available for your use.  I'm not an obsessed fan, I just like you very, very much.  Almost as much as you like squirrels.  I'm building a bridge for you DavidThorne.
Sincerely,
Chicken

Still waiting on your response but with every tick of the clock am thinking I may have to contact SafeGuard.  Or those folk at Lever.  They seem fun.
In cleanliness,
Chicken

Dear Jerk in the Car Behind Me This Afternoon:
I Know!  It is SO irritating when someone performs an act of everyday courtesy such as letting a fellow driver make a left turn , which requires all of us slowing down for 10 seconds while said driver enters the lane, and I realize that this may have screwed up your very important text message by requiring you to both, a.) look up AND b.) apply your brakes.  I'm very sorry. You were right to lay on the horn. 

Mea Culpa this.   
You suck,
Chicken

Dear Therapist:
Two weeks ago I drove by a nursery, felt compelled to stop, and bought $100 worth of plants, herbs, and potting soil, which are now sitting in my driveway.  Dying.  Didn't we discuss this last spring?  Shouldn't I be over this?  I'd like to request a refund for that session.  Or I could pay you for our next session in slightly alive plants.  Your call.
Not sane yet,
Chicken

Dear Ronald McDonald:
Does the Filet O' Fish contain crack?  Why come it is so addictive?
Love,
Chicken

Dear Sapphire Gin People:
Ditto.
Love,
Chicken

Dear IKEA:
You are such a progressive company that I am sure you can come up with a supply managment method that only allows for one mini-wrench to be delivered for every four table legs because, really, one mini-wrench for EACH table leg is overkill.  What are the chances of someone ordering a table top and just one leg to hold it up?  See what I'm saying?  We recently ordered 15 tables with the customary 4 legs per table and I now find myself with 59 extra mini-wrenches.  I feel obligated to start a social enterprise to make use of excess IKEA toolage.  I don't have time for this shit.  Get with the program IKEA. 
Wishing you common sense,
Chicken

Dear Blogger Community:
Would you like to purchase a necklace made out of left-over IKEA mini-wrenches?  Handy, right?
Going Green,
Chicken

There are more letters.  I can't remember them right now.  One was really, really funny, too.  See what happens when you don't write things down?  sigh. 

Chicken out














12 comments:

  1. Lovin me some fish food from Mickeys D's I am positive that it contains crack,but I am sure it contains no real fish but, who cares? Love it!
    Have a great weekend :-)

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  2. Thank you girl, for the lovely award. I do try to be a good commenter, because I know I appreciate a good comment. So, thank you.

    And yes, filet o fish is filled with crack. Why else would I have to have a fried sandwich of questionable fish parts covered in some fatty tartar sauce. I don't even like tartar sauce! The same goes for those damn big Macs. It's in the buried drugs, my friend.

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  3. Couldn't agree more with letter you wrote that driver. If I had my way, everyone else would have to wait till Sunday to drive, leaving us the roads six days a week. Life would be so much simpler, wouldn't it?

    Thanks for the award, and hope you have a rockin' god weekend! :-)

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  4. aww. We get awards for commenting?? Cool. TY!

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  5. Thanks Chicken, I do love to comment--I can never figure out why people are constantly saying to me "Keep your comments to yourself" but happily you never do...(clearly not everyone appreciates my humor--my husband occasionally falling into that category and my MIL always falling into that category ;-) ha ha)

    I'm sure the person behind you did not mean to be a complete and total A-hole--and try to cut them some slack as they may have been late for a meeting with a uber jerk of a boss--it makes for a cranky gal/impatient driver--(I know from which I speak).

    Hope you have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and I hope the new job is going well.

    CB

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  6. Awwwwwwwwwww chicken, Thanks ...hang on ...are you saying I never shut up? Is this one of those backhanded compliment deals?

    Here is the deal with Fillet O Fish- the burger buns are pumped full of mind controlling sugar that makes you think firstly it actually tastes like fish and secondly that it is actual food. One hit and you're hooked. It's powerful shit.

    Mind control buns - you heard it here first.

    I always comment by the way because I can write "shit" and "crap" and "arse" in your comments and people don't stop following my blog like they do when I swear over there.

    I am writing to David Thorne to warn him you're a wannabe stalker. Forewarned is forearmed. Probably he'll be so full of gratitude he'll name a character after me in one of his posts.

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  7. Sheesh. Such an award hog... Well-deserved, of course. Congrats!

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  8. Hi everyone-thanks for all the comments. It's always nice to hear from you all. I've been enjoying the nice weather we've been having because it is New England so it probably won't last. I'm glad we figured out the Filet o' fish thing. Not that it makes me any less addicted, however. Mrs. P, are you not supposed to swear on Australian blogs for real? Or just if you are a quilter? You can swear on my blog anytime you want. Did you know DavidThorne is supposedly getting a sitcom? I would watch that.

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  9. Ivory Soap doesn't want you to know about Irish Spring which has two deodorants and smells exactly like Ireland on a beautiful spring day.

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  10. Hi Amber, that is very true because I've been to Ireland on a fine spring day and it does smell EXACTLY like Irish Spring. I don't know how they do it. I just want to know if soap that falls on the shower floor has germs or not. Can I use it? Or does it have to be washed first? What do I wash it with? Soap care is what I'm talking about.

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  11. Dear Chicken:
    Congratulations on your dual award winning. No I didn't give you an award because I was afraid you'd cut off my access to the dryer. I gave it to you because your comments are always amusing.

    Also, because I have such wonderful fucking karma, the only time any two people looked at my post within ten minutes of me putting it up, the post was not actually finished yet and I had accidentally published it. Low and behold I had two comments on a post the was only half done. Anyway it's done now so if you wouldn't mind going back to finish reading the list and sharing my pain over stupidity, I'd really appreciate it.
    Love,
    S.

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  12. That. Was. Awesome!! First off, thanks for the award. It makes me feel beautiful and like blogging all at once. That's a red letter day in my book. Secondly, the letters were hysterical. Oh, and I would totally like a mini-wrench necklace because with my luck, I would totally get the ONE table from IKEA they forgot to include the wrenches with.

    PS...Am I supposed to do anything fun with my award? Like pay it forward or print it out and wear it like a tiara for the day?

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