Friday, October 21, 2011

Chicken Scratch: 10 Bits of Randomness

Hi Worldians,

Hope you've been well.  I've been thinking, and similar to Lady GaGa's thoughts, it almost never ends in a good place.  At least it ends in a lucrative place for Lady GaGa.  For me, it just generally leads to more disassociation.

1.  I've been thinking about purses.  I don't like any of the names we have for lady bags.  Purses, pocket books, bags...these terms are all outdated.  Brand a better name. Boots are in this year. Maybe you could call it a BodBoot. A ShoulderSack. OMG there IS no good name for a bag that hangs off your shoulder. That's it. We should just all stop carrying them. Hear Chicken's call for a new social order. I like to call it Occupy Coach. We will camp in front of Coach headquarters until someone comes up with a new name for..I can't even say it....But hey, Who's with me? Anyone? Someone?  Please? 

2.  I've been thinking about head lice.  There's a vaccination for Chicken Pox, which you can't even see until it hits you, but no bright-eyed Stanford major has figured out a way to rid the world of these foul, itchy, jumpy little bastards? 

3.  I used to think that "genius" was all about what you know.  Now I think it is all about understanding what other people think they know. 

4.  I can't buy anything artificially red or blue anymore.  Food scientists, are you paying attention?  I'm terrified of color additives.  I heard they make my kids hyper.  I'd probably buy your "energy drink", under pressure, if it didn't look like Smurf ambrosia.  Just sayin'.

5.  "Just sayin'" is a horrible thing to say.  It is crass, it is disrespectful, it is grammatically incorrect and it is sarcastic.  And I'm going to stop saying it.  Tomorrow.  Just sayin'.

6.  I'd like to be young or I'd like to be old.  Being middle-aged is too close to average.

7.  Well.  Middle-age can be sort of a fun hodge-podge in this baby boomer age.  Who really knows what is normal?  It's like jumping down Alice's rabbit hole and meeting Elton John first thing.  And he introduces you to his baby.  And then Martha Stewart comes along and wants to teach Elton how to grow an organic garden and make his own baby food.  Elton is so touched that he writes a song about how Martha is misunderstood and fragile, probably like a candle in the wind, and then Ralph Lauren is inspired to design a whole line of organic clothing, aptly named "Just Martha", and through it all, Yoko Ono maintains that Elton's song is about her.  As does Mick Jagger.  Then Kirstie Alley loses 60 pounds eating Martha's organic baby food, hooks up with Ashton Kutcher and Miami Vice wear comes back in style, and....well...I could go on and on.  It's a confusing age.

8.  Come to think of it, Middle-age is the age to be, as long as you live it with confidence.

9.  Until the World Ends next year, in which case many of us baby boomers might have a bit to answer for and offering to make the Pearly Gates a little more pearly, if you know what I mean, isn't going to get us far. 

10.  Unless you are very pleasant, humble and easy to be around, in which case, why wouldn't God want to hang with you?  Hey.  I learned that in Kindergarten!

I started out with purses and ended with apocalypse. Is there a connection?

Be well, Worldans. To those of my blogger friends facing challenges right now, please know my thoughts are with you, and to those of you celebrating the sweetness of life, my thoughts are with you.

Chicken out


  1. I agree with number 7. wholeheartedly

  2. Totally agree with you on the word purse. It's second in its offensiveness only to the word "moist"...just sayin'.

    Yay for Chicken's 10 Bits of Randomness!


  3. I like this muchly except for the music/talk show references, they make me nervous.

  4. Hi Dazaee-I had a feeling you might. I think I passed you in the rabbit hole one day. I was going down, your were coming up.

    CB-right? Why hasn't the fasion world figured this out. The first person to design a nice one and brand it with a 21rst century name is going to be a millionaire. And yes, moist is a yucky word.

    Oh, sorry Jyllianm-did not mean to make you nervous. Usually I only talk about puppies, unicorns and rainbows. Honest.

  5. This post felt like a good friend not heard from for a while leaving a funny message on the answering machine. I liked it. A lot.

  6. aw, DBS. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in awhile. Thanks. I know just what you mean about that feeling.

  7. Chicken, I miss you when you are gone.

    I love the inside of your head. I'd like to go hang out there for a day or two. It is exactly my kind of hilarious "genius" which you and Steve Jobs both share. Or is it shared?

    I am IN for the Occupy Coach. Maybe if we sit there long enough, rolling our hair into dreads and annoying people with our blasting of Indigo Girls tunes, they would hand out free Coach ShoulderSacks.

    I don't like being middle aged either. In fact, I pretend I'm not. Sometimes, it works.

    Come back more. I miss you when you're gone.

  8. I love you all the time. ALL THE TIME.


  9. Head lice should be burned at the stake. Lots and lots of teeny tiny little stakes.Blech!!

    Good to read your words of wisdom once more! : )

  10. Hi Joann-me and Steve Jobs? Such a compliment. Thank you.

    Suniverse: Oh likewise, my friend!

    Katie: Yes! Occupy head lice! Wait, that doesn't sound right for some reason. I miss being around:-)

  11. Number 7 is just a brilliant paragraph. What Joann said!

  12. omg #7! brilliant. and yes, i've fallen down that rabbit hole. only i swear art garfunkel was there too and upon my entrance he adorned with a wig of his hair and a tiara.

    and purses! so outdated. but when i try to use the more modern phrase, bag, it sounds so perjorative. i say we really retro and call them all satchels, but modernize and feminitize satchel and call them sashas. "i need a new sequined sasha for the holidays."

    such a fun post!!!

  13. MEG FROM THE MEMBERS LOUNGE!!! I've missed you. Coming to visit right now. I'm very excited, can you tell?

    Punker! I was there that day. And it was Art Garfunkel. He was trying to grab you before Cat Stevens arrived with his new cool name to sweep you off your feet. And Satchel or Sasha-I think you are on exactly the right path. Those are GREAT suggestions. I feel better now.

  14. Purses are ridiculous! On the occasion I am forced to wear one, it inevitably ends up full of items I can't remember shoving in there. I will join you on this quest.

  15. Menace-Ok great-good to have you aboard. Do you have a mint? a Kleenex? quarter? Damn. We're going to need a bucket or something.


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