Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Weird Science: Sex Studies

Hi World,

As you all know, Men's Health is an excellent resource for anyone with a thirst for science.

Paradoxically, Men's Health is also an excellent resource to consult for information regarding women's sexuality. I learned a lot today from this article on crazy sex studies.  I do not know how many readers Men's Health has, but judging by the cost of ad space, it's a big number. Even if 50% of those readers are teenage boys looking for photos of women in school uniforms sans underwear, there apparently are also quite a few men out there searching for clues to the feminine mystique.  If those men included these sex studies in their research it is likely they are behaving in ways that don't seem to make a lot of sense to the women in their lives.

For the full study, please do consult the research, but, as a quick reference, I've put together this primer. When you find yourself asking, "What the hell could be going through his mind right now?", let  this be your guide. Pass it on to your women friends and do your part to further the species, as well as the occurrence of vaginal orgasms (which are apparently the only kind of orgasms worth counting).

  • If he hands you  a pair of socks, he wants sex, but first he has to calm you down and make you feel safe.
  • If he says you look sad and he wants to give you some of his mind altering medicine, he wants sex without a condom
  • If he casually asks about your testosterone levels, he suspects that you may be masturbating on the side.  
  • If he appears to be studying your mouth intensely, he's using your lip shape as a guide in judging your ability to achieve a vaginal orgasm.
  • If he seems overly interested in the way you walk. he's trying to judge whether or not your pelvic muscles may be blocked, as this would affect your ability to have a vaginal orgasm. Chances are good he wouldn't know a blocked pelvic muscle from a mannequin, that's the funny part.  
I hope you found this helpful and have a new appreciation for the lengths your mate is willing to go to help you find your happy place. Not that most of us give a rat's ass where our orgasm originates, we're just so grateful to be having one at all.

For the male readers out there, just in case you have ever wondered what your four primal instincts are, here's a primer for you. Please take it with a grain of salt as clearly they missed the most important primal instinct ever-the ability to induce vaginal orgasms.

Note to everyone in the world:  Never, ever, under any circumstances, should you google "vagina images". Just don't.

Chicken out

chicken has a new appreciation for symbolism








4 comments:

  1. I can't believe I've gotten this far without realizing the importance of the vaginal orgasm.

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
  2. Orgasmic peace be achieved by all men and women who lovingly engage in sex.
    Believe me, direct contact is better than Men's Health or even theKama Sutra.
    My best advice is that both partners take their time and enjoy every second. Avoid trying to finish. The climax will appear on it's own.
    Great for your nerves and relaxation.
    The more loving the sex act gets performed will result in better quality human beings and better pregnancies.
    Everyone please do your best.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Carlos, agreed!

    Pearl: I know. I was a little disappointed in myself. All the wasted years...

    Munir-you are right, too. It probably doesn't sell enough magazines. Also, I hope you got my message about deleting your comment. I have a smart phone but I don't know how to use it. Apparently. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete

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