Friday, April 30, 2010

Mommy Stalker. Like a Mommy Blogger Only Scarier

Hi World,

Teenager Who Lives in the Basement walked out the door earlier tonight without saying goodbye. 

So I yelled, "Hey, Teenager, where are you going?"

And he yelled back, "Out"

So I yelled back, "Out where?"

Somewhere a door slammed.

Well, this just rubbed me the wrong way, you know what I'm saying?  Maybe it is getting to be that time of the month, I don't know.

At any rate, I decided a little Mommy Stalking was totally in order.

So I dug out the new cell phone.

Ring Ring: 

Teenager:  "h'lo"

Chicken:  Hey Apple. Whereyagoing whereyagoin whereyagoin????


Chicken text:  Hey Apple.  Apple. Whereyagoin Apple, who with, can i come?

Teentext:  No

Chicken text:  Hey Apple, really, whereyagoin?

Teentext:  Playground

Chicken text:  ok will be right there. littleb coming too

Teentext:  ok not going there now. going to Storm's first.

Chicken text:  ok meet you at Storm's. Hey.  Apple.  Apple. Should we bring our sleeping bags and some doritos?

Teentext:  Chicken, seriously?  you r so annoying

Chicken text: I know, isn't it great?  See u in a minute.  littleb is packing his drums...

Teentext:  I'm just coming home.

Chicken text:  Great!  We can play scrabble.  But let's only spell words that aren't real words and take away points if the word IS in the dictionary, ok?

Teentext:  u r so warped.  Ok. 

You'll have to check the chicken crossing the road for the blog inspiration.  Or maybe you know about the annoying orange already.  I didn't.  I'm in love with annoying orange.  If you like that one, here's the Annoying Orange link

Chicken  out


  1. I maintain the only reason to have children is to torture them during their teen years. If they can hack that - then they can handle adult life.

    You might want to point out to TWLITB that we are all accountable to someone all the time. He should get used to it.

    By the way - you are a genius at torturing if this post is anything to go by. Care to share some tips? Miss P is still not old enough to be totally off the hook in my opinion.

  2. Took a walk across the road...Now littleJ is tormenting me...Hey! Hey Apple!



  3. Mrs. P. The secret is to make your own amusement the main focus and torturing the teen the secondary focus. It is much more fun that way.

    CB. hahahaha. Sorry CB. I mean Apple.

  4. Chicken makes a good Parent Pest! I am one too!!! My kids think I am SO over-protective, because, you know, I want to know where they are going when they leave.

  5. Chicken, you are interfering in his liiiiife.

    I, too, love to get a good laugh, first and foremost at my teenager's expense. It always works in my favor that way.

    One more coming home this weekend after her first year at college. Hopefully, there will be serenity now and all summer.

  6. BB: I know. I ALWAYS told my parents where I was going. Not. Anyway. littleb doesn't want to leave me alone for one minute and Teenager wants me to move to Australia with Mrs. P.

    Joann: I know, I'm totally hurting his feelings. Hope she had a good year at college. Good luck with the serenity:-)

  7. OOOHHHH! You should totally give him his wish. He'd be really pissed off because we all surf here and run around practically naked and that includes all the girls his age. And imagine all the trouble we could get into if we were in the same freakin' country.

    At first I thought that read "Teenager wants to move to Australia with Mrs. P.", and I was gonna say ...sure send him, because I'm so great with teens...has it escaped anyone's notice that I'm so influential with teens that I am already a grandmother (I must have skipped the sex with protection or not at all talk) However on reflection , I suspect if you sent him here he would be begging to come back to you within about 72 hours....

  8. I showed this blog to my pre-teen-going-on-18 daughter and told her, "This is the torture you will endure if you EVER walk out and slam a door without answering me!" I am secretly hoping she does it someday just so I can annoy her in this fashion. Thanks for the inspiration!

  9. Oh, Mrs. P, no way would I send him. If anyone is coming to live with you in Australia, it is me. We will send littlep back here to live with him and littleb. That should cure any immediate plans to make you a grandmother again. And we'll go surfing and eat oreo pie, but not half naked, K?

    Ninja-oh, so happy to help. All of my teens have tried to escape without telling me. My daughters were smart enough not to respond to their cell phones, but TWLITB always responds. I think secretly he loves me.


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