Wednesday, September 15, 2010

OMG Chicken, Not Another Ghost Story.....,

Hi World,

You may or may not know, depending on how long you have been reading about the Chicken, that I have a ghost in my house.  It is a relatively benign ghost, mostly showing itself by entering the door on the side of the house, shaking some keys around, and convincing anyone in the house that someone has just entered.  Upon inspection, sometimes, no one has.  Everyone in the Chicken family has experienced it at one time or another. 

Well.  This past summer when we went on vacation, we had a wonderful time.  When we got back home, we found another curious "episode" had occurred.  I haven't written about it because we needed time to research and gather details, but you are reading it now.  Live.  From New York. 

Just kidding.  Or maybe you are reading it in NY. 

Anyway, after vacationing with my family in Maine, we arrived home in the early evening.  BigB set about unloading the car while I went inside to check out the damage and rearrange the evidence, if necessary, before BigB came in the house and blew a gasket (in Jetsons talk).  This would be because R had been in charge of the house during our absence.  R is 21.  I'm sure I do not have to explain any further. 

Everything looked just as we left it, down to the one leftover dirty glass in the sink, and the dust on the coffee table.  There was no evidence that R had invited all her crazy friends for a midsummer night dream party anywhere.  Chicken was pleased.  She's finally growing up, is what Chicken thought.

Then Chicken went upstairs.  I went upstairs to unload a suitcase in our bedroom.  Our bedroom has an eye and hook lock on the inside of the door, used to keep littleb in our room during his younger days when he slept with us most nights and we were afraid he would wake up, wander out to the landing, and fall to his death down the stairs. Yes, we are THAT dramatic. Yes, littleb is totally capable.  littleb is one of those kids you read about in the newspaper who take their parents' car out for a drive on Sunday morning because they figure Dad and Mom do it, how hard can it be?  And if you were the one to question him after the inevitable crash, he would have politely explained that he was getting coffee for Daddy.

You've probably already guessed, but the lock. was. engaged.  Since no one could possibly engage the lock from outside of the room (I had to slide in a very thin metal ruler to pop the hook), someone either had to be inside the room (dead?  Gulp).  Or someone had to have locked the door and gone out through the window.

(Cue Silence of the Lambs music)

Well, friends, I'm relieved to report that no one was inside the room, either alive or dead.  The kicker is that the windows were locked.  There is no way to lock the window from outside the room.  Also, the bedroom is on the second floor on the corner of a house that faces two well-traveled streets, so someone would have needed a 20 foot ladder and some chutzpah to pull that off.

But.  Because we are cynics-well, mostly BigB is a cynic, I was already flying the ghost flag-we needed to check with all possible witnesses.

D the handyman:  Had a ladder.  Could have thought he was protecting our bedroom from nefarious thieves and post-teenage lovers.  Also highly intelligent in a not-so-handyman way, and totally capable of screwing with us.  Nope, he didn't see nuthin'.

J the nephew:  Had access to the house due to being the handyman's assistant and also unofficial house watchdog.  Also playful, though.  Could have played trick?  Somehow?  "What r u talkin' about? That's crazy, man." Not so highly intelligent.

R, the main suspect, gregarious, hipster party girl.  Had party in the house?  Invited tricksters?  Is trickster?  Denies everything.  I believe her, World, because R is the world's worst housekeeper.  If she were trying to cover up a party, she would either miss something very telling, like a six foot pile of wine cooler bottles, or she would clean too well including the lone glass in the sink, and the dust on the coffee table, which would have immediately outed her, because, again, R is not known for her mad domestic skillz.   Like the Egyptians, I leave sneaky little traps behind to trip up my kids.  My traps are not attached to crushing boulders, however.  That would be going too far.

So there you have it.  Door locked from the inside, windows locked from the inside.  Who did it? 

Of course, I am disqualifying James Bond level thieves, with rappleing and robotic capabilities.  Even I am not that dramatic.  Give me a hope diamond type treasure and I might be, but not even my change disappeared. 

I think our ghost was displaying his anxiety at our absence.  Or saying good riddance.  Either/Or.  We are kind of loud. 

I love a good ghost story, so if you have one please share.  Don't make me crawl through your window.



Chicken out

27 comments:

  1. I think your resident ghost was maybe afraid to be in the house alone!

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  2. Doesn't this freak you out? Just a little bit? I'm going to have a bad dream...I just know it. :)

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  3. First, congrats on the big win at the Empress'! YAY for Borders!

    Second, I love that you made a ghost story funny. Do you think it's Patrick Swayze and he'll appear as if in a dream while you're making pottery?

    That joke would have been funnier if Patrick Swayze weren't dead.

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  4. I am practically pissing myself here. What if your ghost decided to emigrate. And came to my house? I'm home alone you know.

    And stop writing scary stories.

    Now...bolstered with vodka. I do think you have a ghost. But he likes to play tricks . And drink your wine stash. And he's probably responsible for all those socks that go missing too...

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  5. Hi Noelle, I hope you had good dreams, not bad. No, it doesn't. I'm not sure why, because, as I continue to point out, I'm a Chicken. But how can you be afraid of ghost that messes with your head like that?

    FC-no, that was still funny. If I thought making pottery would attract PS, I would break out the clay and wheel. I'm sure I have one somewhere. I think I saw that movie three times. I know.

    Mrs. P-if the ghosts emigrates to your house, put him in your chicken pot and deport him. We'll show him who's tricky.

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  6. Okay- you've got me scared! But excited for you! How many people have their very own ghost? Skeletons maybe- but not ghosts. That is so neat!

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  7. Well, you know what they say about poltergeists being attracted by turbulent energies. Your family? Turbulent may be an understatement. Just sayin'.
    Oh, and thanks for attaching "40 Dogs" to your chicker clicker. Sweeeeeeeeeet!
    GG

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  8. I LOVE ghost stories. I don't have any of my own, but love to hear them.

    Totally believe you have a ghost.

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  9. That is so freaky. And just plain nuts. I'd love to know how it happened, for realz. I live in a very old house and I often think it's odd that I never feel spirits or have odd occurrences like that. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I stop and think OK, come and creep me out, but nothing happens. I'm glad because I would be really creeped out.

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  10. Do you think you could get the guys from the Ghost Adventures/Hunters show to come to your house. Perhaps then they could interpret what the ghost was really trying to tell you by locking you out of the bedroom......better yet....ignorance is bliss.

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  11. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of magic in my soul and don't get creeped out by things of a paranormal nature, except the time I watched Paranormal Activity drunk at home by myself. Now I'm convinced my apartment is haunted by some entity that likes to open my hallway door at night. Either that, or there is some seriously powerful, pissed off wind blowing through my house.

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  12. Hi Rae-thanks. Our ghost is sort of boring most of the time, but the Christmas light fiasco from the first story, and this latest trick shows he does have a sense of humor at least.

    Hi Sparkling-thanks for visiting. I will return the favor soon! I have a theory that ghosts don't purposely scare the crap out of you-that if you have an internal fear of them, they stay away. I have that fear. But this one, I don't know. I kind of like him. And our house is not that old-about 60 years give or take. I don't know how you get a ghost if you want one but I read this book a long time ago about these Canadian scientists who tested a theory that "ghosts" are just residual energy and that you could "create" a ghost if you tried, so they did, using a OUIJA board and somehow, I forget how, it worked. But the ghost became a problem. As crazy as it sounds, it was based on a true story. If I could remember the title, I'd tell you!

    Hi Suniverse-I love a good ghost story, too!

    HI Bry-did you get my email about the TAPS guys being headquartered in the town next to me? My ghost is probably too pedestrian for them, though.

    Hi Avergage Broad-how are you? Thanks for visiting. You are exactly the kind of person a ghost might want to visit, according to my theory (see response to Sparkling above)

    GG-just a typical American family. We're like the Brady Bunch over here. But I get to be Marcia, sorry S and R. Narcissism rears its ugly head once again.

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  13. I am so glad I do not have the only haunted house on earth. Doors open and close at will in this house, with all the windows closed. I have this nifty little app on my phone called Ghost Radar that supposedly picks up "energies" and I downloaded it for fun. The first time I ran it in my house the first words it said were "John", "Master" and "Roses". John is the man who used to own the house who died. He always told people he was the "master" of the house. And my property is covered in rose bushes because they were his wifes favorite. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well for a week. But, now it's kind of comforting and I dig it.

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  14. I think your ghost was trying to show how pissed off he was that you left him alone ("If they are going to leave me, I'll just lock them out of their bedroom. That'll teach 'em!"). I think (just think, not really sure) I have a ghost. It stays upstairs though and has never come down yet. Just like yours, the first couple of months in this house, I was positive that Mr. Right (that's my version of your Big B) was upstairs, moving around, footsteps, floorboards creaking. Since I am one of those "live in peace and leave in peace" philosophy persons, though, I figured they are welcome to stay since they aren't any trouble for me. Nothing has been rearranged so far, no locked doors either. In fact, I kind of like the company when Mr. Right is on business trips. Unfortunately most of the "activity" went away by New Years. I only get an occasional pop in the wall upstairs (which is probably just a 30 year old house settling) so I think he/she may have been shy. It's one thing to hang out in an empty house (the place was not lived in for 2 years before we bought it), but once the noisy and active new owners (us) moved in, well, time to go find quieter spots, I guess.

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  15. I love ghost stories! And yes, if you are playing a practical joke on me, you got me 'cause I'm a believer! Wooooooohhhh (that's me making a ghost noise..)

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  16. Okay, that's officially super creepy - if you ever find out the solution, you must share!

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  17. It was me. I did it. I flew in on my unicorn and worked my voodoo. *shimmies nose*

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  18. Ninja-thanks for sending the app. Maybe I'll break down and buy a fancy phone just so I can try it!

    Bea-Hi Beagirl! You must be all caught up now? Now, why would your ghost move out when he has such charming company? You could have started a new book club together:-)

    Hi Sandra-nope. It's real. I'm still not convinced there is not a logical explanation but it is more fun to let my imagination run away with itself. Which I often do.

    Hi Morgan-I like the name of your blog. And believe me, if I ever find an explanation, I'll update!

    BugginWord: And there it is:-) I did not realize Unicorn dust was so magykal:-)

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  19. I do believe, I really do, Chicken. You have a bona fide ghost. And I think your ghost was mad you left. Consider yourself lucky, when we leave the dogs, they show their disapproval by pooping in our rooms. Be glad your ghost isn't gross.

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  20. yes! another ghost story.
    Either that, or R is pranking you, knowing that you would get a kick out of the ghost story (no hiding parties necessary. kind of sweet, actually). She could have locked it the same way you opened it, holding the latch up with the ruler until the second door was shut, then slowly and carefully lowering it. Then again, I'm a spy movie fan more than a ghost fan, so my mind goes there first. But I like your ghost theory, too.

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  21. Most likely the ghost was hiding from R. That's what I would have done if left alone with her for any extended period of time. Of course, I would have also boarded up the windows and doors just to make sure she didn't find a way in, like with that sneaky ruler trick you used.

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  22. Oh chicken!!!! I believe. What a great story. Weird things happen here too and last Christams I saw my grandpa so I know it's him.

    Or my grandma who Emily saw when she was little.

    Last summer so many hinges happened I googles "how to get rid of a ghost" and all it said was to ask politely if it would leave. So I did. And it left. Nothin happened for months until Christmas.

    Tyler freaks out when things happen. Emily and I kind of eat it up! Although, since we believe that they are my grandparents, we feel they are nice. I guess if I thought it was a strange ghost I would feel differently.

    Tyler says we will move out if he ever sees a ghost, but that still didn't stop us from having a seance last Halloween!!!

    Yes, we are nuts :-)

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  23. Next time, leave some beer in the fridge to pacify him. P.S. Any chance I can get your email? I couldn't get the one on this site to work but I have a real gem to send you. Still hesitating? This might sweeten the pot: the punch line is "and offer her some wine." You know I'm still at BeaWrightThere@aol.com so you can let me know that way if you want. Thanks.

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  24. Hi Bea-I'm at chickensconsigliere@gmail.com. Sorry for the delayed answer and can't wait to read your gem. As far as I'm concerned, everything you write is a gem:-)

    Hi S. so glad to see you back. Hope you have another blog posting up for me to read. Agreed about R.

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  25. Insects, it had to be insects. I've seen ants do things you wouldn't believe.

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  26. Well, they are very strong. I guess that is conceivable. Thanks hairy one.

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